


Runabout Rollabout

by almaasi



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Julian Bashir, Caring Julian Bashir, Cuddling & Snuggling, Explicit Consent, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Hormonal Elim Garak, Hormones, Horny Elim Garak, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, M/M, Mood Swings, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Cardassia, Post-canon Bajor, Public Display of Affection, Romance, Sex Pollen, Smut, Top Elim Garak, but they do switch briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:02:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25495774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaasi/pseuds/almaasi
Summary: Eight months after the war ends, Julian invites Garak on a pollen-harvesting trip to Bajor. Distracted by the delight of seeing his friend after so long, Garak gets himself blasted with hormone-altering pollen, and is forced to ride out the repercussions on the runabout journey back to DS9. Symptoms include mood swings, unusual food cravings, and an urgent need for emotional assurance and physical contact. Julian is glad to offer relief, in whatever manner Garak requires. Even in the most intimate of ways...Secretly, they both hope their brief affair in the runabout’s bottom bunk will lead to something more. But how could it, when duty forever trumps desire?
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 69
Kudos: 273





	1. A Mission of Volition

**Author's Note:**

> Beta’d by the lovely [Arinaca](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arinaca/profile).
> 
> FYI, Julian and Ezri are no longer a couple. How that happened is discussed late in the fic, but Garak thinks they’re still dating when he and Julian sleep together for medical reasons. (Julian is NOT cheating, but Garak guiltily believes he is.)
> 
> The pollen messes with Garak’s hormones and thus his mind, but by the time he hits ‘horny’, he is clear-headed and able to give legitimate consent.
> 
> Cardassian sexual xenobiology lowkey inspired by tinsnip’s ideas, just because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, but mostly just inspired by lizards and all-gender humanoid genitala in general. I made reference art, so [click here (VERY NSFW) to see that!!](https://app.box.com/s/jyqnd2dokw4jd5gamo6vstn4xs96dfmm) In lizards, a penis is known as a ‘hemipenis’, and the plural is ‘hemipenes’, except I kinda liked ‘hemipene’ as a singular for a Cardassian.
> 
> I wrote this when [it was pointed out there was a lack of fuck-or-die/sex pollen fics](https://zaan-zaan.tumblr.com/post/189581276764/conceptadecency-aurora-nova-fic-is-it-me-or), and then proceeded to leave this in my drafts for over five months. Whoops. But it’s here now! Enjoy~

All of a sudden the Infirmary seemed crowded.

Of course Julian welcomed company, and felt a huge grin rising as he hopped off his chair to greet the three women. “Hello, ladies,” he chirped. “What can I do for you?”

“We’ve got a little medical situation, Doctor,” Kira said, holding Kasidy Sisko’s hand to help her towards a patient bed at the back of the Infirmary. “High fever, dizziness. She collapsed in the cargo bay.”

“Oh dear.” With a frown of concern, Julian moved to get his medical tricorder, and scanned Kasidy as she walked. They moved slowly, as not only was Kasidy was eight months pregnant, but she definitely looked unwell.

Keiko brought up the rear. She wore gardening gloves and had mud on her knees and thighs, black hair pushed back with a headband, plus had a protective face mask lowered under her chin, but the worried expression she wore trumped her outfit entirely. She pulled off her gloves and assisted Kira in getting Kasidy to sit on the patient bed.

Julian hummed, looking over the readings. Then he adjusted his settings and checked again. “Hmm.”

Kira looked at him intently. “What?” she prompted.

“Well, it’s hard to say.” Julian reached to touch Kasidy’s cheek, and turned her head, briefly checking her range of movement. Then he stood back and shook his head. “The thing is, this baby’s something unknown. It should be Human but it’s not.”

Kira huffed. “So, what, the baby being quarter-Prophet is enough to screw up your readings?”

“Seems that way.” Julian put down the tricorder and held Kasidy’s gleaming, puffy dark-brown face, looking into her dulled eyes. “You do have a bit of a temperature. Cold sweat.” His eyes rose to the ceiling and his mouth pulled into a grimace as he tried to determine if Kasidy’s glands were swollen, with his fingertips under her ears. “Have you eaten today?”

Kasidy nodded. “Doctor,” she said breezily, “I’m fine. I’m just fine! I need a rest, that’s all. These two meddlers brought me here instead of my bed.”

Keiko cried, “Kasidy, you were in the middle of a sentence and then you were on the floor! That’s not _tired_ , that’s _terrifying_.”

Kira touched Keiko’s arm, squeezing her assuringly. “Hey, look, pregnancy has its ups and downs. She’ll be fine.” She pointed at Kasidy with determination. “You will be fine. Or _so_ help me.”

Kasidy sighed and let Julian lie her down so he could scan her again.

He ran through a series of standard questions, about how she was feeling and what she’d been doing before her collapse. Yes, she’d been in the cargo bay, and yes, there were toxic flowers there, but yes, she’d been wearing a protective mask. Was she sleeping well? How much was she drinking? How often did she need the bathroom? It went on.

Colonel Kira Nerys, although obviously having better things to do, running a space station and all, elected to stick around, arms folded, pacing back and forth.

Keiko also said her plants could wait. She was only on DS9 for a couple of weeks, and then would be on her way back to Earth to be with Miles and the kids, but losing half an hour wasn’t a big deal when a friend was in need.

Julian eventually nodded, and said, “Well, it seems to _me_ it could be a simple matter of a hormone imbalance. The only problem is, there’s a good chance it’s being caused by all the supplements I’ve had to give you over these last few months. I had a suspicion they might not coexist the way they were supposed to, but I suppose growing a baby Prophet is medically uncharted territory, so the unexpected should _be_ expected.”

“Okay?” Kasidy looked at Julian blankly, as Kira and Keiko hovered behind him, waiting to hear more. “So, what are you going to do about it, Doctor?”

Julian’s grin came out wonky. “See, here’s the thing. I either take you off _all_ your medication and start over from scratch, which—”

“Nooope,” Kasidy said, recalling all too well how hard it was to exist without the concoctions Julian had prepared for her.

“Or,” Julian went on, nodding, arms folded, “I add more. What you need is a hormone stabiliser. But again, I can’t say for sure how it’ll interact with everything else. For all I know it’ll make things worse.”

Kasidy sighed.

“It’s up to you,” Julian said. “But the dizziness and fatigue and fevers you’re experiencing are definite signs that something’s going awry and needs fixing. I wouldn’t want to let this continue.”

“Hormone stabiliser,” Kasidy said to herself, eyes on the ceiling. She sighed again.

“Hold on,” Kira said. “Does it have to be a hypospray injection?”

Julian peered over his shoulder. “Not necessarily. But that _is_ the most efficient treatment I have access to here. Why do you ask?”

Kira and Keiko exchanged a thoughtful look.

“I’ve run out,” Keiko said to Kira. “I never needed to replace it after I gave the rest to you.”

Kira shook her head. “I don’t have any either, I drank the rest a few days after I gave birth to Yoshi. But even the powdered stuff’s been impossible to get hold of after the war.”

Julian turned to look at Kira and Keiko completely, fascinated. He felt Kasidy lean out behind him to look at them too.

“Katterpod pollen,” Kira smiled, explaining to Julian. “Old Bajoran remedy.”

“Pretty potent stuff,” Keiko added. “Taken dry it’s like rebooting your hormonal system from the ground up—”

“ _What_ a kick,” Kira muttered, grinning.

“But a pinch in hot water with citrus...” Keiko shrugged. “Could be what Kasidy needs.”

Julian recalled how Kira liked to use tried-and-true Bajoran treatments while pregnant with Keiko’s Human son, but he wasn’t certain how well the same remedy would work for such an atypical customer such as Kasidy. But... the idea had promise. More promise than pumping her full of more artificial stimulants, definitely.

“Sounds good to me,” Kasidy was already saying, hands up. “Katterpod pollen tea.”

“Problem is,” Keiko reminded her, “that stuff is _rare_. We’ll have to figure out where to get more.”

“Bajor,” Kira said with a shrug, making her red hair sway against her temple. “Northwest peninsula. The katterpod crop’s reaching its first harvesting cycle now. Potentially, we could just buy some.”

Keiko shook her head. “The Cardassians wiped that province _out_ , so the crop was planted fresh only last year. It needs three cycles unharvested before it becomes a self-renewing perennial, otherwise it stays annual and the fields have to be re-sown each spring. The flowers this cycle won’t have been fully pollinated yet. Any farmer wanting their crop to survive until next year would be out of their _mind_ to let anyone harvest now.”

Julian pressed his lips together in dismay.

Kasidy smirked. “Hey, Quark could probably get hold of some.”

Kira snorted. “Over my dead body.”

Kasidy added, “And come onnn, you’re the Emissary’s successor and I’m the guy’s _wife_ , carrying his baby. Surely there’s some crazy-ass farmer down there on Bajor willing to give us a teabag or two.”

The group laughed gently, but Kira still shook her head.

Then she paused, and said, “I suppose there’s no harm in asking. But only in person. I’m not robbing anyone over a comm-line.”

“Oh, you stay put,” Keiko said, touching Kira’s wrist. “Protect the station. I’ll go. I could use a breather from that Romulan jungle in the Cargo Bay anyway. I’ll be there and back in seven hours.”

Kira spluttered. “And that’s seven hours you can afford?!”

“In a twenty-six hour day? Yeah.” Keiko smiled, patting Kira’s hand twice.

“In that case, I’m coming with you,” Kasidy said, heaving herself upright with Julian’s help. “If we’re going to need to talk some poor farmer into anything, better you have the Emissary’s sick baby-mama on hand, right? Leverage. Jake taught me how to do his puppy eyes.”

Kira laughed, and shook her head, then nodded. “Alright. I’ll get you a runabout and contact Bajor’s northern peninsula to let them know you’re coming.”

Julian sucked in a hopeful breath, but let it dissipate with sinking shoulders. He turned away, reminding himself that he had a job to do _here_ , same as Kira.

“Something wrong, Doctor?” Kira asked, sensing his defeat.

Julian looked back at her, mouth open wide. “Oh. Oh, no, no, I just.” He cleared his throat with a hum. “Garak’s... on Bajor. At the moment.”

Noticing the three women were listening, he shrugged and went on, “He’s making a... Well, the Cardassian equivalent of a Humanitarian donation. A gift from Cardassia’s government to Bajor’s. Clothes for the needy. By which I think he meant he can’t abide the fact Bajoran fashion hasn’t changed a bit in over sixty years and decided to add buttoned pockets.”

Kira smiled, but her eyes narrowed in a way that let Julian know she was waiting for a point to be made.

“IIIII just figured. I don’t know. Maybe he could join you? And then I could... aaaah.”

Kira grinned. “Julian, if you want to see Garak, just say so.”

“I.” Julian gulped. “He’s a gardener. Or was. So he knows his plants. He’s—”

Kira rolled her eyes and sighed at the ceiling as she slapped her combadge. “Kira to Ops, requesting the use of one runabout for Keiko O’Brien, Kasidy Sisko, and Dr. Julian Bashir to depart for Bajor at their earliest convenience.” Someone in Ops confirmed her request, then she nodded and looked at Julian. “Are we done?” When Julian nodded a little, she huffed in amusement and stalked out onto the Promenade, shaking her head.

Julian gaped for a moment, but then started to smile at the carpet.

He took a deep breath and grinned an irrepressible grin as he helped Keiko help Kasidy, and they made their way out of the Infirmary and towards a turbolift.

  
♥  


Being the only ranking officer on board, Julian was meant to be in command of the _Thames_. But Kasidy-the-Freighter-Captain Sisko hated how he drove, and after about twenty minutes of backseat driving, Keiko made an executive decision and took over the runabout controls herself, setting the ship to fly on autopilot. Kasidy was content. But Julian very quickly got bored with nothing to do.

So he entertained himself with a padd, getting stuck into a text conversation with Garak, who was some four hundred miles north of the runabout’s destination and was keeping Julian updated on his journey to their rendezvous point.

Julian burst out laughing, falling back in his chair, one foot up on the edge of the control panel. Keiko smacked his boot, so he apologised and crossed his legs instead, still tittering.

“Are you going to make us ask?” Kasidy intoned, rubbing her sore belly. “What’s so funny this time?”

Julian glanced at her, grinning. “Oh, still Garak. The nearest shuttle departure site is a bit of an odyssey away from where he’s staying. He’s sitting on the back of a donkey cart and complaining.”

Keiko smiled. “I can just imagine. Whoever’s driving that thing’s probably having the worst day.”

“Oh-ho, believe me, Garak’s miserable too. It’s raining and he got _mud_ splashed on his tunic. And he missed lunch.”

“Poor little Cardassian,” Kasidy said flatly. “Tell me again why you’re laughing?”

Julian just laughed again, head flopped back on the chair, hand on his stomach. Then he bit his lip and sobered, confused at himself. “I don’t know, really.”

Keiko shot Kasidy a _look_.

Kasidy smirked.

“What?” Julian glanced between them hastily. “What, what’s funny?”

“Don’t know, really,” Kasidy muttered, still smirking. There seemed to be a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Julian sank down in his seat, trying to get back to his padd, but snuck looks at the women every so often. But they didn’t explain what they were amused by, and eventually Garak replied with a very sad-looking picture of himself, his usually-perfect hair slicked with rain and stuck to his cheeks, a murderous set to his jaw. And, of course, Julian guffawed, his body brightened up all the way to the tips of his toes inside his boots.

“Garak’s all wet,” he explained.

“Mm-hm,” Kasidy said. “Hilarious.”

Julian thought it was. He giggled a little more, then replied to Garak with a padd-taken picture of himself grinning practically ear to ear, not wet or muddy at all. That ought to make Garak _furious_.

Two-and-a-half hours remained until they’d make it to Bajor. Whether the runabout would complete that four-and-a-bit lightyear journey before Garak boarded his shuttle and travelled four hundred miles, that was anybody’s guess.

  
♥  



	2. A Poof of Pollen

They landed in a magnificently sunny golden field. Through the runabout’s viewscreen Julian saw the field was lined with what looked like sea anemones, with walkways between the rows that went on for a third of kilometre before a pale country road separated this rolling meadow from the next.

The runabout door opened up with a hiss, and Julian stepped out first, humming in delight at the fresh air and sunshine. It had been too damn long since he’d felt sun on his skin, and it excited him so much that he felt another swoop in his belly, even more intense than what he’d felt on the way here. Anticipation brimmed inside him, bringing up an everlasting smile, something that felt a bit foreign and achy on his face.

Julian realised on closer inspection that the previously-suspected sea anemones were really more like groups of mushrooms, with ten fat little pink crowns atop each thirty-centimetre-tall bush. Curious. He’d never seen a katterpod in bloom before.

He turned back to take Kasidy’s hand, and she came down the two steps until her shoes set were firmly on the dry dirt at the edge of the field. Everywhere else had been recently watered, and the air carried the pleasant, pungent humidity of petrichor.

“Alright,” Keiko said, businesslike. She tied her khaki jacket around her waist and took on a determined stance. “It’s sixteen-hundred hours down here, and Nerys’ provincial contact said we have until seventeen-hundred to take what we need and leave. So!” She showed off a jar wrapped in burlap with lids wound on. “I have a few of these, they’ll be your collection jars. Now, what you _want_ to do is—”

“GARAK!”

Julian missed the rest of the lecture, as he’d launched himself into a sprint, galloping down walkways and leaping over plants to rush for the figure emerging over the crest of the field’s largest swell. Garak saw Julian, and raised both arms to wave. He jumped into a little jog, and Julian laughed in glee, closing the distance between them a bit more every second.

“Doctor!” came a quiet cry as Garak came into shouting range. He hurried along with his fists working at his sides, his smile visible now.

Julian cheered as he reached him, and slammed into him, arms flung around his head. Garak took Julian around the waist and wailed in absolute joy as they spun together, laughing and then sobbing.

They fell apart, Julian’s hands on Garak’s neck ridges, Garak’s hands rising to hold Julian’s cheeks.

“My dear Doctor,” Garak said with such _warmth_. “How dare you look so splendid when all I can offer you is this.”

Julian cooed forgivingly, looking at the mud-splattered golden tunic Garak wore, and the smudges of dirt on his knee-high boots. Garak’s hair was almost dry, but it did look a mess. Julian stroked it tidy for him, and said, “You look healthy. And as a doctor I really can’t give a better compliment that that.”

Garak chortled. “Oh, I’ve missed you _so_.”

“Hmm.” Julian took him into another hug. And Garak clung on, which was nice.

They finally inhaled and dropped back, because Julian heard footsteps approaching. It was Keiko in the lead, with Kasidy coming up behind her, looking much more stable than she had earlier.

Keiko grinned. “Hi, Garak,” she said.

“Mrs. O’Brien!” Garak took her gardening-gloved hand and held it tight in his own grip. “What a lovely surprise! And Mrs. Sisko, too! My most heartfelt congratulations for all the joy that is no doubt forthcoming for you. I trust you’re well?”

Kasidy gave Julian a weird look. “Three hours messaging him and you didn’t tell him why we came here?”

Julian opened his mouth. “Aah.”

Kasidy looked at Garak. “And you rode a donkey cart in the rain and got on a four-hundred-mile shuttle ride without knowing why.”

Garak straightened a little. “I _came_ because Dr. Bashir told me he’d be here.”

“Of course you did,” Kasidy uttered, giving Keiko another one of those _looks_. Keiko bit her lip and grinned, head down.

Julian swallowed and told Garak, “We’re here to collect katterpod pollen. It makes a kind of herbal tea that Kasidy needs because she’s not been feeling very well.”

“So terribly sorry to hear it, Mrs. Sisko. But, ah, _tea_! Now there’s a subject I know a lot about,” Garak said, taking one of the collection jars Keiko had carried over. “Katterpod tea, however? I must admit the flavour is one quite unknown to me.”

Keiko instructed: “Make sure when you’re harvesting the pollen, you keep the flowers pointed away from you, and aim them _into_ the jar before shaking them. The pollen is dense and rolls out in balls when carefully contained, but if you’re not paying attention it’ll catch a draft of air and then the balls break and it just goes everywhere. Now, don’t _pick_ the flowers, okay? Just shake them. And leave some pollen in each flower for the bees to harvest, we don’t want to kill off the whole crop.”

“Got it.” Julian nodded firmly. “Shake into the jar.”

Garak was staring at Julian, smiling. Julian noticed and smiled back, feeling gladness bleed from his heart outwards. God, he’d missed that grey face and sneaky, smug smile.

“Oh, here!” Keiko pulled out two forest-green protective masks and handed them to Julian and Garak. “Better safe than sorry.”

Julian put on his mask, placing it over his nose and mouth, then tucking the earpieces around the backs of his ears. He grinned, seeing Garak do the same, and looking very odd.

Julian glanced at Keiko and Kasidy, who put on their own masks, and bowed down to start collecting pollen.

“Hnghn jgrghh rhgbsjng mmm hih?” Julian asked.

Keiko looked up.

Julian realised the mask obscured every word he’d spoken. He lifted the mask and asked, “I suppose we should split up now. I’ll... go with Garak, shall I?”

“Yes, that’s fine,” Keiko told him. “Meet back at the runabout in a bit. Now keep your masks on, you don’t want to breathe this stuff in. It’s not toxic but the effects are a bit disconcerting for a few hours.”

Julian covered up again, giving Garak a shrug. He cocked his head, and invited Garak some way along the field, to a section of flowering katterpods about forty metres from the women.

“Shh,” Julian said, “whwyatf gjghb bugghh tm?”

Garak gave him a blank look.

Julian sighed, shoulders slumping. “Hm.” _What’ve you been up to?_ would have to be a question asked at a later time.

Unable to make conversation, Julian and Garak got down to harvesting their pollen. Julian crouched, pinching the waxy outer petals of a plump, gourd-shaped pink bloom, peering inside and seeing fluffy yellow blobs attached to what looked like white deer antlers. The flower’s stem was flexible and allowed him to shake the pollen into his jar. As Keiko said, the balls rolled out, bumping and tumbling down to the bottom and resting there peacefully.

Julian reached for another flower and did the same again.

Garak, nearby, suddenly yelped and fell backwards, spilling the pollen he’d collected. Julian got up in a hurry to help, only to laugh, realising Garak had been surprised by an two-inch-wide buzzy Bajoran bumblebee, the purple ones native to the area. Its rainbow wings fluttered about as it got its bearings, and then it set its head down and zoomed off somewhere it wouldn’t be disturbed.

Julian plucked the mask from his mouth just long enough to say, “I think it scared you more than you scared it.”

“Hhm hjh.”

Julian put the mask back in place, then tutted at the pollen scattered on the wet dirt near Garak’s now-muddy hands. Julian set the jar upright, then offered both hands to help Garak back to his feet.

Garak sighed, and looked at his dirty hands. Then, with a slump of resignation, he wiped the mud down his tunic. Julian cringed, but had to agree: getting mud in something supposed to be used for tea wasn’t a good idea.

A good fifteen minutes passed, during which time Julian filled up half his jar, and Garak, after his setback, had managed to fill up a third of his.

Julian cast many fleeting looks in Garak’s direction. It was marvellous to see him in person, especially after growing accustomed to the two-dimensional sight of his face on a computer screen over the last eight months. But it was such a shame they couldn’t even use this time to talk.

Garak had _things_ to do. He was an important man on Cardassia these days. He kept to his tailoring as a mere hobby, but he’d really gone in for being a community leader, for better or for worse. The moment he was done rolling around in the mud, he probably had a meeting to attend and a ribbon to cut and someone to condemn for war crimes.

Julian huffed and lowered his mask under his chin. “Ugh. It’s not toxic. It’s not like Kasidy will let me fly the runabout, so I’m not the designated driver. So I’ll risk it. Talk to me, Garak. What’s going on in your world?”

Garak stood and looked at him. His eyes then wrinkled with a smile, and he too lowered his mask. “Why do you think I volunteered myself to fly from Cardassia to Bajor on a mission I could’ve given my secretary? Why do you think I leapt at the chance to visit you here? My world, Doctor, as it happens, is much smaller than you might imagine. Any opportunity to leave it is a welcome one.”

Julian was dismayed by that answer. “But you wanted so badly to go back to Cardassia...”

“I do love it there, Doctor, now don’t get me wrong. I have more purpose and focus than I have in a long time, and it feels... productive. Regenerative, for my homeland as well as myself.” Garak bent to shake out more pollen, being especially careful not to let it escape the jar. “But my existence is often confined to a number of buildings and my new, rather unspacious home.”

“It’s too small?”

“The irony is that the prison of Deep Space Nine was rather ten times the size,” Garak said. “And even there, when I had my routines and rarely ventured from known places to the unknown, I was still doing it largely on my own terms. If I decided to shut up shop and visit the Replimat for an evening, nobody took me to task for rearranging my own schedule. Now...?”

He sighed, but wrenched back when his sigh disturbed the pollen in his jar and fluffed up the balls into powder, and a small yellow cloud rushed away on a breeze. Julian watched it go, holding his breath until it passed on towards the lilac mountains.

“Now, it seems,” Garak went on, “I live according to other people’s schedules.”

Julian gave a hum. “I mean, that doesn’t sound ideal. But still, that is most people’s lives, you know.” He grinned, then shrugged. “The important thing is, are you happy?”

Garak looked at him mockingly. “Happy! My dear Doctor...” But then he parted his lips, something uncertain crossing his expression. “What do you mean, ‘happy’?”

“I mean...?” Julian stared as a twist of worry moved through him. “Are you – satisfied. Fulfilled. Do you smile when you’re alone? Is it easy to get out of bed because you like what’s on the schedule today? Do you— Do you have friends you like, are you sleeping well? Are you sleeping _with_ anyone? Is your digestion regular? Do you get to do things you enjoy? Reading, lunch out, _gardening_ even—”

“Doctor!” Garak held up a hand, shiny-eyed with amusement. “Doctor. Please, _please_. That’s quite enough questions.”

“At least answer _one_ of them.”

Garak hesitated, then hung his head, looking into his pollen jar. “No,” he said.

Julian shook his head a little. “You won’t answer?”

“I have answered.”

“So which question was that answering?”

Garak looked at him with a little too much vulnerability in his sky-blue eyes. “Unfortunately, all of them.”

Julian felt his heart drop. “Ohh, Garak,” he murmured in pity. “Ohh, no.”

Garak didn’t get a chance to respond, as rather abruptly a bumblebee burst out of a nearby katterpod and smacked Garak in the face. He fell over backwards, uncapped jar flung with him. Julian yelped and jumped back, the crook of his arm covering his nose and mouth, but it was too late for Garak – he was yellow-speckled from his hair to his waist, and sneezing his torso upright, wincing every time.

Julian waited for the pollen cloud to dissipate, then hurriedly took his mask and donned it, capped his almost-full jar tightly, then went to kneel by Garak, who was still sniffly, eyes watering, trying to smudge the raw pollen off his skin.

“You look like you’ll need an antihistamine,” Julian said, which came out as a long incomprehensible mutter. He sighed, then took Garak by the shoulders and lifted him to his feet. Garak sneezed twice more, then tugged his tunic straight with angry hands, stamping a foot.

Shaking his head, Julian left him to grumble, and bent to collect up the fallen jar. There was a bit of dust left at the bottom. Julian took the lid from the burlap pocket at the side of the jar, and sealed in the precious little powder Garak had managed to retain.

With an assuring hand on Garak’s back, and both jars in his other hand, Julian eased Garak towards the runabout, walking in the ditches between the crop, then stepping over plants to move diagonally.

Garak carried on sneezing, and each violent outburst put another puff of yellow into the air as it exploded off his clothes. Julian noticed Keiko and Kasidy looking their way, and he waved, then point-point-pointed towards the runabout. Garak sneezed, and it became obvious to their onlookers what had gone wrong. Keiko shook her head, and bent down to collect more pollen.

Julian got Garak into the runabout, put the jars down on one of the pilots’ seats, then dragged Garak by his sleeve to the back of the cockpit. They went through the doors into the hallway, past the replicator, then through the sliding door into the washroom. Julian gave a ‘go on then’ gesture, indicating the sonic shower.

Garak, although frustrated and weepy-eyed, attempted to undo his clothes, but Julian shook his head and pushed Garak into the shower fully-dressed, and turned the thing on.

Garak grimaced and held still, eyes tight shut, repressing any number of sneezes as the pollen and mud lifted right off him in glittering particles, sucked up into the grate above. He lifted his arms and then each foot, then folded his arms and glared at Julian. “That’s quite enough, now, don’t you think?”

Julian shoved his own pollen-covered hands into the sonic beam, and once clean, he turned off the shower, and grinned as he lifted his mask. “Feel better?”

Garak went “Atch’hooo!- _NO_.”

“Alright. Come on, you,” Julian said kindly, snatching up Garak’s wrist and dragging him back out of the washroom. They stood before the replicator, and Julian ordered, “Computer, one hypospray loaded with a mild antihistamine for a large Cardassian male.”

“Large!”

“Large,” Julian said firmly. He took the hypospray once it appeared, double-checked its contents and dosage, then turned to Garak, who tilted his head to let Julian touch his neck.

Garak sighed and shut his reddened eyes once the spray released into his bloodstream. “ _Large_ ,” he complained.

Julian smiled. “Just the right size,” he said.

Garak looked to be on the verge of fury. “For what, exactly?”

“Well, everything,” Julian said easily. “Your presence is undeniable.”

“So now I take up too much room, do I?!”

“I never said that!” Julian looked at him in perplexion. “Garak, since when do you care so much about taking up _room_?”

“Dare I remind you that the larger _I_ am, the smaller the space around me seems?”

Julian sank down in understanding. “We can go outside. Open air. Come on.”

He took his pollen jars and led Garak out, and Garak followed, sulking. But he did seem more relaxed outside, immediately basking in the sunshine, eyes shut.

Keiko and Kasidy approached, masks tucked away. They both smiled, but Keiko wore a slight look of worry as she asked Garak, “How are you feeling?”

Garak harrumphed. “Me? Fine, Mrs. O’Brien, perfectly fine.”

“Do you think we have enough?” Julian showed Keiko the two jars, one almost full, one practically empty.

“Oh, yeah, that’s plenty.” Keiko compared hers and Kasidy’s jars, both full to the brim. “It only has to last another couple of months, until a few weeks after the baby’s out. You only need a pinch per cup, and one or two cups a day.”

Kasidy laid a hand on the side of the runabout, then pressed her back against its hull, head on the metal for support.

Julian turned to her, checking her pulse in her wrist, then humming. “I think _you_ need a bit of a rest,” he told her. “Come on, let’s get you inside. I’ll replicate you a snack, and we’ll be home in time for dinner.”

Keiko nodded. “I’ll get in touch with our contact and tell them thanks. Once I’ve confirmed the flight path we can drop Garak back where he needs to be, and be out of orbit in a few minutes.”

“You’re leaving?” Garak’s voice sounded quiet and soft. He looked uncertainly at Julian. “Doctor, you only just got here.”

Keiko took Kasidy’s hand and helped her into the runabout, while Julian hung back to speak to Garak.

“Well, we’ve completed our mission,” Julian said with an apologetic shrug. “ _You_ still have a million things to do today, don’t you, so you need to get back to where you belong. Come on, I’ll replicate you that lunch you missed.”

But while Julian turned for the runabout, Garak didn’t – and Julian paused in the doorway, then stepped back down.

Garak swallowed hard, twice, eyes set furiously on the dirt under Julian’s feet. “I haven’t seen you in eight _months_ , Doctor. And then you invite me here and I came to you – no easy feat, you may recall – for a mere half-hour of... not even talking.”

“We still have some time, Garak,” Julian said, reaching to pat Garak’s arm. “We can talk on the way to the Hill provinces. That’s where you came from, wasn’t it?”

Garak gritted his jaw and seemed to ease away from Julian’s touch, turning his chin a little. He gulped again, and Julian realised he was desperately holding back tears.

“Garak...” Julian stepped closer, trying to meet Garak’s downturned eyes. “Garak, look at me?”

Garak did, and tears poured down both cheeks. His expression was one of bitterness and hatred, nostrils flaring as he breathed, but Julian saw through it and melted in sympathy, seeing nothing but upset.

“What was the point, Doctor?” Garak asked, his voice thick and shaking. “What was the _point_ of asking me here if you’re just going to leave?”

Julian shook his head, unsure what to say. “I wanted to see you,” he whispered. “Coming here just seemed like a good excuse. I _missed_ you.”

Garak set his head down and pushed away his tears, angry at himself. “I can’t imagine why. All I do is take up _space_ and ruin things, clearly.”

Julian took Garak’s tear-wet hand and held it before it could drop back to his side. “Garak, for goodness’ sake, you’re not ruining anything. Come inside. You haven’t eaten and you’ve had a bit of a day. You’ll feel better once you’ve got some food in you, I promise.”

Garak resisted. “Why prolong an uncomfortable situation? I’ll only be with you a few more minutes. I’ll just make you miserable, and you have a patient to see.”

Julian stared at him. “Now you mention it,” he said, “I do indeed have a patient who requires some urgent medical attention.”

“Well, there you are!” Garak shoved Julian towards the runabout. “Off you go then! Be on your way.” A tear flung from his cheek as he swept himself around, ready to storm off.

Julian huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes as he reached to take Garak’s collar and turned him around again. “I mean _you_ , Garak. You’re my patient. Obviously your hormones are going haywire. And on top of that you’re hungry, angry, lonely, _and_ tired, and so, in my informed opinion, what you need is to come inside, eat, spend time with some old friends, and...”

“And?”

Julian swallowed. “Is there any chance you’d...” His breath caught. “Ah. No, y-you probably don’t...”

Garak’s interest was piqued, and his eyes seemed less tearful. “Any chance I’d what?”

“Well, yyyyou wouldn’t want to come to Deep Space Nine with us, would you? It’s a silly idea, really – you have far too much to d—”

His own counterarguments were cut short by arms thrust around his body and tightened. He puffed out a laugh, patting Garak’s shoulders.

Garak sniffed as he fell back again, his tears and upset clearing up instantly. He wiped his face, and a wobbly smile became a solid one within seconds. “I think I’d quite like a red leaf tea, Doctor.”

“I’m sure you would.” Julian clapped Garak on the shoulder, and led him into the runabout, both smiling. He informed his crewmates: “Change of plan. Garak’s coming with us.”

“To DS9?” Kasidy asked.

“To DS9,” Julian confirmed.

Julian fetched Garak some tea, and brought it to him, sipping it on the way. He grew concerned again when he found Garak sitting in the third of the four seats, looking sullen, ignoring the bright-voiced conversation the women were having about the nice weather.

“What’s wrong?” Julian asked, one hand on Garak’s shoulder.

Garak glanced up, took the tea, then looked back down. “You must judge me so harshly, Doctor. A grown man... a poli _tician_ – a former agent of the Obsidian Order! – brought to tears by nothing whatsoever. I still fail to see why you bother to care for me. That is, if you even do.” He sipped his tea in annoyance, then spat it back out into the mug. “Earl Grey! Earl—” He snarled and thrust the mug back into Julian’s hands. “I ordered red leaf!”

“The runabout replicator doesn’t have anything but Earl Grey, I’m afraid,” Julian said, casting the women an assuring look when they started to look worried. “And for the record, _Garak_ ,” he added, more haughtily, “I _do_ like you, and the reasons for which I like you are far too numerous to list.”

“By which you mean you can’t think of any.”

“By which I mean there’s people listening and I hardly think this is the _time_ , do you? Now drink your _damn_ tea, then tell me what you want to eat, or I’ll choose for you.”

Garak’s waterlines flooded with tears again, and he wrenched his face away from his audience, folding his arms.

Julian hung his head and sighed, chin to his chest. He put the tea on the console’s edge, then went to the replicator.

He came back with a plate of buttered scones and moba jam, and slid the plate onto Garak’s lap, shoving the handle of a spoon at him. “Eat.”

Garak folded his arms tighter and looked further away.

“Eat or suffer the humiliation of having me spoonfeed you by force,” Julian said.

Garak shot him a disgusted look, but took the spoon. Julian smirked. And, after a moment, Garak smiled. He looked down and started to spread the jam on the steaming scones with the back of the spoon.

Tentatively, Keiko said, “Garak? Listen...”

Julian listened too.

“Nobody’s judging you for feeling a little overwhelmed right now. This is what katterpod pollen does, it’s _great_ for resetting your hormonal system. You’ll feel _everything_ more intently – every emotion, every sensation – and it’ll feel random, but it’s not. It’s your body and mind figuring out how to rebalance things. Depending on how much pollen you inhaled, the effects could last... one, two... mmmmayyybe three hours. It lasts longer and is more effective in hot water, and needs an acid to break down the particles, that’s why we have it in tea with citrus. Raw, though... It’s a bit intense. An enhancer, rather than a stabiliser.”

Garak was halfway through his first scone, chewing intently, eyes shut. It was like he’d never had scones before and only just discovered their delights, but Julian knew he had, when they’d swapped breakfasts for fun once, years ago. He’d thought Garak would’ve set aside the jam this time, given how much it appalled him last time. Yet here he was, slathering on more.

“But you’re not in danger,” Keiko went on. “You’ll probably even find yourself feeling better than before once you’re out the other side.”

Garak grunted, licking the little bowl the jam came in, checking to see if there was any he missed, then licking again.

Julian leaned an elbow on the headrest of Keiko’s chair. “Any chance the effects include odd food cravings?”

Keiko laughed. “Ohhh, yeah.” She grinned to herself. “And... Well, let’s just say weird food might not be the only intense desire he’s about to experience.”

Julian felt intrigue prickling its way up his spine. Heat followed, as he had his suspicions... Hormones... Desires... It did lead his brain in a certain direction. But he set his thoughts aside and turned for the runabout’s main viewscreen, as Kasidy was piloting the ship over the field and tilting them towards the sky. Purple mountains whisked away to blueness, and then clouds broke over their bow, sun blinding on their white hull – and then the sky grew and grew and grew until an epic dark blue was all Julian could see.

They broke out of Bajor’s final atmospheric layer, and headed into the black and endless space at full impulse.

“Three hours, Garak,” Julian said, “and then we’re home.”

He smiled, seeing Garak looking so at ease.

  
♥  



	3. Garak vs. The Replicator

“In all my life, Doctor, I’ve never tasted anything so _vile_.” Garak’s face illustrated his point: his chin tucked back to his neck, wrinkling his skin in his intense disgust. “I’ll thank you to throw it out of the airlock immediately. Or perhaps eviscerate it with your phaser, if you would be so kind.”

Julian just chuckled, taking the slice of peanut-butter toast off Garak and eating it himself, crunching crumbs all the way down his front and onto his legs, one of which was twisted sideways with his foot tucked under his rear so he could be comfortable in his chair.

Garak watched him eat, shaking his head. Then licked his lips, and looked curious. A moment later he opened out a hand. “May I try it again? The aftertaste isn’t so bad.”

Julian _hm_ ’d quickly, wiping his mouth and leaning to hand Garak back the toast. Garak took it, sniffed it, licked it...

Then he bit it, and scowled. “It’s better now,” he complained. He ate his toast, fuming, crunching ever so loudly.

Julian laughed, relaxing as his bottom shifted on his seat. He started to swing his chair back and forth, openly entertained by Garak’s predicament.

Garak caught his eye, and started to smile. Then he snickered. Then he laughed just as loudly as Julian, almost dropping the last corner of his toast as he fell back into his chair’s support, both hands gripping his middle.

Over the last forty-five minutes, Julian had watched Garak swing wildly from tearful, gleeful gratitude (Julian brought a book from home he’d wanted to share) to distressed discomfort (he was still hungry) to embarrassment (there was a teeny-tiny spot of jam on his sleeve) to impassioned fury (the replicator really _didn’t_ have any tea varieties besides Earl Grey), usually without more than a minute or two between each extreme. Garak had gone quiet enough that Julian thought he was sleeping on two occasions, and at one point, yelled at a metal grate on the floor and tried to kill it with his stomping boot (because it stuck to his heel and made an annoying noise and therefore deserved death).

Now, once the laughter had died away and the toast was finished, Garak seemed to have gone back to napping again, so Julian let him rest, instead turning his attention to the stars.

Then, out of nowhere, Garak said, “I can’t believe you’d give me that.”

Julian looked at him, confused. “What? Peanut butter? You needed protein, fat, and salt.”

“More _bread_.” Garak scowled at the console, and at the empty mug that once held Earl Grey, which he _had_ actually drunk once he’d calmed down and realised the replicator was not his enemy. Now he hugged his middle, sulking. “This is my most slimming outfit. I dread to think what you see when I wear any of the others.”

Julian glanced down Garak’s golden-clad form, shaking his head. “Garak, you look fine. A little toast and scones aren’t going to change your figure overnight.”

“Yes, and like I said, this is my more flattering outfit. You see nothing the matter because the exquisite cut hides every flaw perfectly.”

Julian sighed. “In my opinion there’s no such _thing_ as a physical flaw, Garak. Don’t do that to yourself. You look fine. In that outfit and every other outfit.”

“I’m too _big_.”

Kasidy snorted. “You’re not the only one,” he uttered, patting her giant belly. “But at least _you_ don’t gotta push a bloody screaming animal outta you in a month’s time.”

Julian felt his heart sinking. The women shot Garak assuring looks, but Julian just gazed at him with all the tenderness he had. “ _I_ don’t know,” he murmured to Garak. “I think you’re very handsome just the way you are.”

Garak looked at him, stunned. “I beg your pardon?”

Julian shrugged, eyes drifting to outer space. “It’s true, you are bigger than the average Cardassian. But it’s not a bad thing. You’re not ‘too’ _anything_. Medically you’re in the peak of physical health. Your problem isn’t how big you are, or how you think you look to other people, but the fact you’re not happy about it. And I’ll tell you right now: you’re not happy about it because you’re hormonal and depressed and you haven’t had a single minute to care for yourself in over half a year. Once we get back to the station the pollen would’ve worn off, and then we can talk about something to help with all the pressures you’ve been under lately.”

Garak stared while Julian spoke. The women had gotten back to piloting the ship and let them have their privacy. And Garak still stared.

“You look fine,” Julian told him again, looking him in the eyes. Then he started to smile. “ _Beautiful_.”

Garak started to blush a faint lilac. He ducked his head and glanced away, a tiny, nervous smile on his lips. “Hm,” he said, poking at a control to check the coordinates of the runabout.

Julian, glad to have eased Garak’s anxious mind, crossed his legs in his seat and started to fiddle with the empty mug, turning it upside down, then rolling it up and down his calves. “You too, Kasidy,” he called to her. “Very beautiful.”

“M _mm_ -hmm,” Kasidy hummed, with attitude. Julian grinned.

“Tell me,” Garak said – and Julian looked over, but was surprised to find Garak wasn’t addressing him. “Do you have any plans for when the baby comes? I’ve heard tell that something called a ‘baby shower’ is common among several Human societies. Gifts are bestowed to celebrate the coming life, and such.”

Kasidy grinned, but shook her head. “Got nothing in mind. I have everything I need already.”

“Oh, but it would be my pleasure to offer you – anything. Perhaps new outfits, for yourself and the little one.”

Kasidy gave a sweet smile. “I suppose... if you really wanted— OH!” Her hands flew to her belly, and Keiko switched the ship to autopilot so she could rush to Kasidy’s side, crouching by her to feel the bump.

The women made eye contact, and by the time Julian had joined the concerned crowd, they were laughing.

“What, what happened?” Julian asked, pushing against Garak’s shoulder.

“Kicking,” Kasidy said, grinning. “Oop!” She spasmed, then leaned back and chuckled. “Baby knows who we’re talking about.”

Garak looked fascinated. “The unborn baby is... kicking you? From _inside_?”

Julian glanced at him. “You didn’t know that happened? Don’t Cardassian babies kick?”

Garak peered back, wonderment in his blue eyes. “I’ve never met a pregnant Cardassian before. I’ve met plenty of pregnant Bajorans and Humans, granted, but they’ve never been in my clothing shop when the baby decided to exhibit some form of violence against its carrier.”

Warm laughter met that remark, and Julian set his hand on Garak’s back, letting it trail low before it fell away.

“Why don’t you come feel it?” Kasidy offered, beckoning to Garak. “Just put your hand...” She took his hand, and he tried to draw back, but then allowed her to place his palm on the big bubble of her belly. “Feel that?”

Garak’s face remained blank for a while.

Kasidy hummed. “Guess it stopped.”

Then she and Garak gasped at the same time, and Garak’s hand shot back in alarm. Kasidy laughed, while Garak stared at his palm.

Then Garak’s entire face shook and he started to weep in obvious joy and overwhelm, and he bowed to embrace Kasidy around her shoulders, sobbing onto her neck.

Kasidy wore a baffled expression, head cocked to avoid Garak’s. She stared at him, as did everyone else, once he stood up again.

“Th-Thank you,” Garak whispered, as tears slid down his grey cheeks and got caught on the curved base of his eye ridges, “for that _miraculous_ experience.”

Julian half-wondered if Garak had been given a Prophetic vision in a split-second, but then figured, no, Garak was just having a Day. Julian recalled the first time _he’d_ felt a baby kick, and it _had_ been a bit exciting.

Garak sniffed, then turned to Julian and hugged him too, squishing his middle tight.

“Oh,” Julian said, hands tentatively moving to touch Garak’s back. “Hello.”

Garak nuzzled his shoulder and hummed.

He then moved back, giving Julian a bright-eyed, sunshiney look, as if he hadn’t been crying at all.

“Hey, where’s _my_ hug?” Keiko demanded, when Garak didn’t look like he was going to give her one. “I feel all left out.”

“Oh, my apologies, Mrs. O’Brien, my apologies,” Garak said, moving around the back of Kasidy’s chair, then opening his hands and letting Keiko hang her arms over his shoulders. Garak mumbled: “I thought perhaps I would make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, I’m all for hugs,” Keiko said, beaming as they separated, still holding each other’s forearms. “One botanist to another. And anyway, given the internal riot you’re going through right now, I know from experience all you really _want_ is a hug.”

Garak’s plain and simple smile shattered to open vulnerability. She’d hit the nail on the head, apparently.

“Ohh,” Keiko cooed, taking Garak into another embrace. “It’s all right, honey.” She took a deep breath, and let Garak hold on, stoking his arm. “Hold on as long as you need.”

So Garak stood there for a full minute, eyes shut, chin over Keiko’s shoulder, holding her tight. And she let him have what he needed.

All the while, Julian stood nearby and watched, dumbfounded, eyes roaming the scene before him. He wondered when it would be _his_ turn.

The hug went on so long that Julian backed up into his chair and sank himself down, still watching, still waiting. One heel began to jump in impatient anticipation.

Eventually Garak swallowed and lifted his head, and he and Keiko eased their torsos away from each other, both smiling. Keiko patted Garak’s cheek, then left him and sat down in the pilot’s chair, taking over the controls from Kasidy.

Julian stepped up hopefully to Garak, but Garak had turned away without noticing him, now sitting down and reaching to check the engine readings.

Julian slumped in disappointment.

It didn’t matter, really. Keiko had done what needed to be done. Julian wasn’t the _only_ one here who cared about Garak, and wasn’t the _only_ one who could help him through his problems.

This must’ve been what Keiko said when she mentioned intense desires. And Julian had missed his chance to satisfy.

Julian plopped down to his seat and rotated its back to everyone else, unwilling to let anyone see him sulk.

  
♥  


Another twenty minutes passed without any outbursts from Garak whatsoever. He even managed to have a polite conversation with Kasidy about why she’d taken her shoes off, and realised in that moment why his shoes also felt too tight. Hormones did some strange things, as he was discovering.

So now there was a barefoot Cardassian in the cockpit of the _Thames_ , and Julian wasn’t even close enough to see the man’s toes. Julian was still swinging in his chair, slumped down, fingers steepled under his nose, staring at the back of Garak’s chair, busy thinking up a decent medical or command reason to go over there and sneak a look, when he noticed how restless Garak had gotten.

The first bounce in the chair just seemed like a buttock reset; chairs did get uncomfortable on such long rides. But the second bounce was more like a wriggle, and the third was definitely a _squirm_.

If Garak got up to visit the washroom, Julian might get to see his bare feet in action, and so he decided to wait out the squirming until Garak decided to move.

Except ten whole minutes passed and Garak definitely wasn’t getting up. He seemed to grimace every so often, and once or twice pushed the heel of his hand into his crotch. His toes curled, his feet twisted together, and Julian was fascinated, but couldn’t understand why Garak didn’t just go to the bathroom if he needed to.

Garak’s eyes began to dart unsurely to his fellow crewmates, so Julian lifted the padd he’d previously been reading, and pretended to read. Garak looked at him and Julian didn’t look back, but was hyper-aware of Garak’s eyes lingering on him, drinking him in from head to toe, slumped posture included.

Garak then sigh-moaned aloud, but it seemed like the sound had been involuntary, as it was hastily stifled and covered with a rough bout of coughing and a hasty, pasted-on smile at Keiko, who’d looked over. “Just some pollen caught in my throat,” he lied. “Not to worry. I’m quite all right.”

Julian watched Garak in his peripheral vision, ceasing to blink in case he missed anything.

Garak turned his back to Julian again, and Julian only saw the dark dome of his hair as he bounced twice more, then wriggled side-to-side. A huff of desperation was a terribly quiet sound, but Julian’s augmented auditory abilities picked it up just fine.

Julian started to wonder if Garak was actively _avoiding_ the toilet for some reason.

“Are you okay?” Julian asked. “Garak?”

Garak swung in his chair to look at him easily. “Oh, perfectly, Doctor. I find myself feeling a lot calmer than before. I’m finally in my right mind again, it seems.”

“Yeah,” Keiko checked the time, “it’s been nearly one-and-a-half hours, you probably didn’t inhale that much pollen. Could be wearing off by now. You’re lucky, actually – you avoided the second wave of more extreme symptoms. That could’ve been pretty awkward to handle while stuck on the runabout.”

“Oh, good,” Garak said, but Julian was watching his face, and although his tone said ‘oh, good’, his face said ‘oh, _fuck_ ’. Something was wrong and he didn’t want to tell anyone. Such was Garak.

He didn’t need the bathroom at _all_ , did he? He needed something else entirely. But Julian didn’t dare guess what, because he had one guess in mind, and allowing it to form into words or images would inevitably lead to very unprofessional thoughts.

Garak sat quietly for another minute, and Julian stared at his chair.

Then Garak yawned, and said, casually, “I think, if nobody needs me, I’ll go and take a little nap. I’m somewhat exhausted from the journey earlier. Please excuse me.”

“See you,” Kasidy waved. Keiko looked back, smiled, then returned to the controls.

Julian watched Garak go, forgetting for a moment that he’d wanted to catch a glimpse of the mystery that was Cardassian feet. Instead he kept his gaze up: Garak walked with an unusual tension, and kept a hand stiff before one thigh, as if to cover his front from Julian’s sidelong view. He wasn’t still anxious about having a plump middle, was he? Did Julian need to go tell him how attractive he personally found a stocky shape, or would that be one personal fact too many?

The doors to the hall hissed open and shut, and Garak was gone.

Julian didn’t know what Garak was going to do, but he definitely wasn’t out for a nap.

  
♥  


In the softly-lit carpeted hallway outside the cockpit, Garak held himself between his legs, one hand stuffed under the hem of his tunic. He breathed, trying to rub, but only winced at the feeling. Surface touch was more than simply unsatisfying, it was downright infuriating. It was too much and too little all at once, for one simple reason: it wasn’t _emotional_ enough.

He wanted to be _comforted_ , and _held_ , and _looked at_ , and _praised_ , and he definitely couldn’t do those things for himself.

The least he could do, he decided, was to fantasise. But for that he needed something other than a hand on the too-tight crotch of his pants.

He went to the end of the tiny hall, where automatic doors opened out to the aft living quarters, decorated in pink panels and a warm-neutral light. Twenty feet ahead of him was a conference table, in front of the window panels showing slow-moving stars. Closer to him, flanking him either side as he stepped into the room, were bunk beds, both dressed in the same pastel pink.

Garak leaned into the lower bunk cabin of the right-hand bunk, pressing both hands into the mattress, bouncing to test its give. Firm but soft enough. There was a built-in pillow but no blanket. It was such a small nook... and there was no privacy whatsoever; the bunks opened out to the whole conference room. Anyone opening the door from the hall would see right in. There were, however, two white fabric curtains attached to the bunk’s surrounding lip, but Garak gave them one tug and chilled with terror, knowing instantly he wasn’t about to seal himself into such a small space, no matter what he was doing inside or how frail the curtain was.

Gritting his teeth, Garak supposed there was no getting around it. He wasn’t young and sprightly enough to pleasure himself in the bathroom, with nothing but hard surfaces and nowhere to lie down. It was the bed or nowhere.

He trudged back to the hallway, and stood at the replicator, wondering what to ask for.

“Computer,” he said, and the computer blee-bleeped acknowledgement. “Tell me, are there any sex-related items in this replicator’s insufferably bleak itinerary?”

The computer bleeped. “ _There are three varieties of birth control available on file._ ”

“Anything else?”

“ _Please specify._ ”

“Any toys! Pleasure stimulators! Drugs to eliminate unwanted arousal, I’ll take anything!”

Bleep. “ _The drug oxytocin is available on file._ ”

Garak palmed his forehead ridges. “I think I’d be better off making that one myself. I’ve had _quite_ enough trouble with artificial stimulants in the past.”

The computer was silent.

Garak sighed. “Do you have anything that vibrates?”

The computer bleeped. “ _A mining jackhammer is available on file._ ”

Garak barked a laugh. “Perhaps,” he said, “if I get any more desperate.”

With a thin sigh, he pleaded, “At least tell me there’s personal lubricant.”

“ _That item is not available on file._ ”

An hour ago, Garak would’ve punched the replicator, taken its broken parts off the wall, and smashed them on the ground. Now, he just held his head in his hands and groaned in despair.

  
♥  


Julian turned his head towards the hallway, sure he could hear Garak talking. Was there someone else out there? It sounded like there was a reply.

And then came a weighty yelp of frustration. Julian sat up like a cat with its ears pricked, listening intently. That was _definitely_ a Cardassian swear word.

Julian levered himself to his feet, and stretched his arms out and back until his shoulders clicked. “Perhaps I’ll just... go and check on Garak. As his doctor I should make sure he’s doing okay.”

Keiko hummed. Kasidy didn’t acknowledge him at all, which was good. He’d sounded believable enough.

He went to the doors and they opened. Garak turned around, spooked by the interruption. “Doctor!” he exclaimed.

Julian paced into the hallway, glancing back to check the doors closed behind him. Then he looked carefully at Garak four feet ahead. He seemed flushed and sweaty and carried a nervous tension about him, eyes darting down to Julian’s crotch twice and then back up each time, as if forced. Garak gulped hard, hands in fists. He stood straighter, still looking a bit caught out.

“You’re not okay, are you?” Julian said, with a knowing tone.

“I’m fine, Doctor,” Garak said. “Nothing a good rest won’t fix.”

“Then why aren’t you resting?” Julian asked, taking a step closer. “Bunks are just through there – or did you get lost? Big ship. Three labelled doors. Must be awfully confusing.”

Garak gave Julian a snide look. “I was on my way. I simply... paused, to ask the replicator for a snack.”

“Well, go on, then,” Julian said, watching Garak’s eyes.

Garak’s gaze darted to the replicator, then back to Julian, defiant. “There’s nothing on its menu that could satisfy me.”

“Not even moba jam?”

“Not even.”

Julian stepped closer. “Garak,” he sighed, watching Garak’s lashes flutter as Julian came within a foot of him. “Tell me what’s really the matter. I looked after you for seven years, I’ve been with you _every_ time something went wrong. And every time you’ve left in a better state than when you came to me. What’s wrong now that I can’t help you fix?”

Garak seemed to consider talking, but instead gulped and frowned and insisted, “The only thing the matter, Doctor, is that you won’t leave me in peace. I suggest you do whatever you came out here to do, then return to your seat. I’ll be back with you in due time.”

Julian stepped into Garak’s breathing space, feeling heat boil up between them, and Garak’s breath hitched.

“I came out here,” Julian said, “to see how you were doing. And—” He lifted fingertips to Garak’s neck, let him flinch, then held tight to him to check his pulse. “Heart pounding. Fever. Your lips are swollen, your pupils are dilated. Your breath is uneven. You keep swallowing. I’m starting to wonder if that pollen affects Cardassians differently than it does Humans.”

“Ohhh-h-h,” Garak sighed, shaking, “I doubt that.” He smiled a little, giving Julian a dazed, hopeless look. “I truly doubt that.”

Julian let his eyes dip to Garak’s lips, then back up. “Tell me what you need.”

“I can’t do that, Doctor.”

Julian still held his neck, slipping his palm to touch the stiff ridges now. “Garak, I can help you.”

“You cannot.”

Julian held his eyes and gave the most intense look he’d ever given him. Firmly: “I can and I will.”

Garak squeaked out a moan, then let his chin fall to his sternum in shame.

Julian smiled, ruffling Garak’s hair with a scrunching hand. “It’s okay,” he promised. “You don’t need to be ashamed, Garak. You’re just riding out the symptoms. It’s all completely natural, it’s just coming on a bit stronger than it would under normal circumstances. And obviously this isn’t the ideal place for it.”

“For what, pray tell?” Garak snapped, glaring. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Oh, of course not,” Julian said, hands by his sides again, open in his frustration. “For God’s sake, we both know _that’s_ a perfect lie, don’t we? Do you really want me to leave? What are you going to do when I’m gone? Writhe about in agony until the pollen wears off? You can’t exactly cuddle yourself, can you?”

“...Cuddle?” Garak said.

Julian frowned. “Don’t be so embarrassed, Garak, everyone needs affection. I’m sorry if I ever led you to believe you couldn’t just _ask_ for it. Why is it so much easier with Keiko? Ask me, Garak. Ask me. I’ll even lie down with you if you need me to. The others don’t need to know.”

Garak stared, blank-faced, mouth open a bit.

“It’s medical care,” Julian reminded him. “If an hour-long hug is the solution, fine. I am _willing_.”

“A... hug,” Garak repeated.

Julian waited for a real response.

Garak coughed up a weak and uncomfortable laugh. “You think that’s what I’m in desperate need of? A _hug_?”

Julian blinked twice, unsure what he’d missed. “That’s... what Keiko said you needed. You want hugs.”

Garak looked down. “And I thought you’d grown past your naivete, Doctor.”

“Naivet—” Julian huffed. “Garak, what do you mean? What _do_ you want, then?”

“It seems I’ve fallen prey to desires rather more intense than... a need for _cuddles_.”

Julian searched Garak’s eyes for more hints. God, Julian’s heart was really pounding now, blood rushing in his ears. Skin flashing hot. What if the thing he’d been trying not to think about all this time was actually coming to pass?

“Unfortunately,” Garak said, speaking easily now he suspected the required care was well out of Julian’s range of abilities, “what I’m experiencing is a rather intimate desperation, Doctor. I am _intensely_ aroused, and wish to engage sexually either with myself or another, but I find—” he glanced to the replicator, “that my efforts are being thoroughly impeded by a lack of resources. I’m not the young man I used to be, alas; autoerotic stimulation without a lubricating aid is likely to cause more pain than pleasure.”

Julian swallowed dry, then wet, then let out a shaky, excited breath. “Y— You’re.”

“Going to lie in a bunk alone,” Garak said firmly. “And pray that this passes swiftly. Doctor.” He bowed his head formally, stiffly, then turned around to leave.

“Wait—”

Garak turned halfway back, curious.

Julian wet his lips, then stepped up to the replicator. “Computer, I need one-hundred-and-fifty millilitres of moisturising hand lotion with a fifteen-percent increase in water content.”

A small bowl appeared in a swirl of white light.

Julian took the bowl and handed it to Garak. “The extra water stops it being absorbed right away, and adds some slippiness.”

Garak slowly took the bowl. “I am most intrigued as to how you know that, especially to such a precise degree.”

Julian smirked. Then ducked his head and grinned at his shoes. Then grinned at Garak’s bare feet. “You have cute toes,” he said, before blushing.

Garak looked down at his feet. Then at Julian. “Thank you, Doctor,” he said, as if that wasn’t an odd compliment to receive.

They stood facing each other for a few more seconds.

Then Julian sucked in a breath and asked in a hot rush, “I could— If you wanted— Just a one-off, in a – a – a – a strictly _medical_ fashion, obviously... Assist... you?”

Garak stared, lips parted.

“I mean if you don’t want to that would make sense; it’s not a big deal, I just don’t want you to be so uncomfortable, which you obviously are now, sorry – oh, sorry – but I-I-I’m just saying, well, I wouldn’t _mind_ , exactly, and I am _here_ , and you’re here too, obviously, and— And... would you?”

He looked nervously between Garak’s eyes, back and forth between each pretty blue orb, seeing how dark that gaze had become.

“Would I what, Doctor?” Garak said.

“Would you want to let me have sex with you.”

Julian realised once it was out of his mouth that that was an odd way to phrase ‘ _do you want to have sex with me?_ ’, but then realised, no, he’d said precisely what he meant to say. Whether or not Garak wanted him outside of this situation was immaterial. He may not want to sleep with Julian normally, but would he be interested in satisfying his needs, now, with a willing assistant?

Garak studied Julian for a bit, not really breathing. Julian wasn’t sure if he himself was breathing and couldn’t remember how to check.

Garak failed to find his way to speaking aloud, so nodded, eyes on Julian’s.

Julian’s soul leapt a foot in the air then fell back inside him, dancing. “O-hh,” he shuddered. “Okay. Okay. We’re— We’re going to have sex. I’m going to have sex with you.”

Garak smiled a tiny bit. “If at any moment you feel such a task too far beyond your capabilities as a doctor, or as a friend, please... don’t hesitate to stop whatever you’re doing.”

“I’m not going to do that,” Julian said firmly, leading Garak through the doors to the aft living quarters, where there were built-in bunk beds either side of them. “I’m committing to helping you with this, and I know it’s not exactly orthodox, but—” He pulled off his Starfleet jacket and tossed it on the lower bunk of the right-hand bed. “But you’re my friend and I’m your doctor I’ll help you any way I can. Besides, Garak – technically it was my fault you got hit with pollen, since I was the one who suggested we take our masks off. Keeping you comfortable as you get through this is the very _least_ I can do.”

  
♥  



	4. The Right Man

The doctor pulled his turquoise undershirt up over his head, wiggling his little brown waist as he fought to get the tight shirt off his arms. He managed it and gave a puff of air and _such_ a delightful smile.

Garak set down the bowl of makeshift lubricant near the pillow in their chosen bunk, then reached behind himself to undo the closure on his tunic.

“Oh, let me,” Julian said, rushing to Garak’s back and touching him with warm hands, undoing the fastening all the way down. “There.” He stroked across Garak’s shoulders. “You’re free.”

Garak turned to face him. “Thank you,” he said, with a touch of confusion.

Julian smiled back and sat down to kick off his boots, then pulled off his socks and stuffed them into the ankles of his footwear. Meanwhile Garak took off his own undershirt, folding the woollen item over a hand and setting it on top of Julian’s discarded jacket. Last of all, Garak removed his pants and underpants in one go, suppressing his shyness with all his might, as his dear Julian had seen quite enough shows of emotion today already. Garak winced as a little wetness escaped the two enlarged lobes of his genital sheath, and snuck warmly down his inner thighs. It was slick but not slick enough.

Julian was now folding up his trousers. Garak wasn’t sure why he’d need to go that far with undressing, really, given Garak was the only one who needed relief, but he couldn’t complain, not when Julian’s legs were so nice to look at. Strong and lithe and only a little bit hairy.

Julian then bit his lip in a smile, pausing with his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear, looking into Garak’s eyes. His pupils had dilated, which excited Garak, but confused him as well. It must be enticing, perhaps, for a Human to engage in any sexual act, even if they weren’t attracted to their partner. Julian swallowed, and slipped his last item of clothing down his legs and stepped out.

A shivery breath left him as they both stood tall, looking into each other’s eyes.

Julian looked quietly thrilled, which in turn thrilled Garak.

“I,” Julian said softly, taking that one step closer until his hand could touch the line of scales down Garak’s middle. “Garak, I think you’re really... beautiful.”

Garak felt sparkles rise through him. “And I think the same of you, my dear Doctor.” Julian would never know how much he meant it.

“Oh, call me ‘Julian’,” Julian said. “Please. Not ‘Doctor’.”

“I thought you were providing medical care.”

“Oh!” Julian’s mouth remained open around the sound. “Oh-oh, yes. Yes. I. Mm-hm.” He blushed under his dark skin, nodding. “It’s just. We could pretend it’s informal. If you want. Not so strict on... on... titles, and... and suchlike. Could make this go easier.”

Garak smiled and nodded once. Anything that made such an affair easier for Julian was something to be embraced. “Julian.”

All breathy and dark-eyed, Julian nudged an inch closer and asked in a whisper, “Can I call you ‘Elim’?”

Garak was shocked to hear that sound. “You want to use my first name?”

Julian’s teeth shone in a tiny, lip-bitten grin. “Mm.”

Garak swallowed. “I— If y...” He breathed, then nodded. “You may.” Nobody had ever said that name as kindly as Julian had just now. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a reminder of dark times, if said kindly.

Julian exhaled and took Garak into an unexpected kiss, hands on his face, mouth soft and wet and open and _twisting_ , a little moan sneaking out between the doctor’s lips and in between Garak’s. Garak was left dizzy and breathless as Julian slipped free of him, heat rushing between their faces. Fever surged up Garak’s body, unbearable in its intensity. The love of his life had _kissed_ him and Garak hadn’t thought it would ever happen – _especially_ not after Julian took up with Ezri at the end of the war. He didn’t know how to react, so did nothing but stare and feel his heart pound.

Julian started to grin in flickers, then leaned in and set his burning lips to Garak’s again, a warm hand stroking down his cheek.

“I, umm,” Julian said, still holding Garak’s cheek, looking at him with scalding eyes. “I uh-always, sort of...” A gulp, a smile. “I’ve never really been with a man before. Always wanted to... try it, I suppose.”

Garak studied the gorgeous mystery before him. “And why have you never?”

Julian shrugged one slim shoulder, eyes roaming high, then returning. “Never met the right man?” He peered at Garak’s lips, smiling, then met his gaze once more, a spark visible in the darkness.

At first Garak didn’t know how to interpret that, but landed on guilt. “My apologies, then,” he said, “that you would rather have waited, or foregone the act altogether. Again, if you’d like to stop—”

Julian kissed him, slowly, deeply, breathing out against his upper lip. A moan vibrated between their teeth. Julian broke away with a huff of breath, shaking his head. “I’m not going anywhere, Elim. Oh, God, _believe_ me, I’m not going anywhere.” He followed with a sighed groan, pressing into more kisses, lips swollen, breaths fast and eager, hips nudging at Garak’s.

Garak gasped and broke the kiss in his shock. He’d felt it, and now he saw it: Julian had an erection. It was almost seven inches in length and completely upright but starting to curve, a pinkish-brownish cap-shape on its tip, pressing towards Julian’s hairy navel. The organ pumped a little in its excitement.

Garak stared into Julian’s eyes in awe. _You want this?_ he realised. _You want... me?_

“Oh...” Garak let out a lungful of air, wildly relieved and intoxicated by his new awareness. “Oh, my _dearest_ Julian...” He cradled Julian’s soft hair in one hand, shaking his head in astonishment, unable to look away from those earthen green eyes.

Julian blinked dopily, a lazy smile sneaking up one side of his mouth. “Come on,” he said, taking Garak’s hand, then sitting himself on the bunk’s edge. He shuffled back, then lay down, bringing Garak closer.

Garak set one knee on the mattress, then the other, self-conscious about how his stomach fat hung when he leaned forward. But Julian wasn’t looking there; he’d taken Garak’s cheek in a hand and used the touch to guide him down, eye contact unbroken, until Julian lay below with his head on the long pillow, and Garak knelt over him on hands and knees.

This wasn’t a particularly good position for the task ahead, Garak thought, so began to roll over onto his side with his back to the wall, but Julian made a little worried sound, and said, “Oh, you be on top. You be on top. I don’t—” He swallowed, giving a tiny smile as Garak returned to looming over him. “I—” A shivery laugh flew out of him. “I don’t really know what to do for you. Well, I do. But I’d feel more confident if you were in control.”

Garak examined Julian’s wet lips and bobbing Adam’s apple and eager eyes.

Perhaps Julian _would_ be more comfortable lying underneath, yes. Given that Ezri waited for him at home, it had to be simpler for Julian to take a passive role, to be _used_ for Garak’s needs, rather than to actively give. Garak welcomed whatever would justify Julian’s infidelity. Garak needed this. He needed Julian. And Julian was willing to compartmentalise this act. They couldn’t afford guilt.

So Garak offered a kind nod, and put a kiss just to the side of Julian’s lips, which made them both smile.

Julian was biting his lower lip as Garak raised his head. Lip freed, he asked, “Can I touch you?”

“Please do,” Garak said.

Julian stroked his shoulder ridges; back; biceps. He mapped out the scales on Garak’s torso, and then snuck his hands lower...

Again, Garak agonised internally as Julian’s arm brushed his soft middle, but all anxiety vapourised as Julian’s slim fingers made contact with the frontmost opening of his genital sheath, touching wetness, two fingertips slipping between the folds straight away.

“Ouh— _Ouhhhh_ ,” Garak groaned, eyes shut, hips moving a little to make Julian’s fingers slip further inside. “Juliaaan...”

Julian let out a shuddering breath. “Does that feel good?”

“Yyyou h’h’have _no_ idea,” Garak grinned, before groaning again and letting his forehead drop to touch Julian’s. “Ohhh, my _dear_.”

In the heat and darkness of the internal sheath, Julian’s fingertips found the throbbing head of Garak’s hemipene – and he _gasped_. “Is that—?”

Garak looked at him. “It will emerge soon enough,” he assured him.

Julian let his mouth open. “O-h. Right. No, don’t worry. I just thought— You undressed and I didn’t see a penis and I thought maybe you were – biologically female. _And_ a man, obviously, but— I didn’t expect— Um.” He laughed nervously, as Garak chuckled. “Sorry. Definitely male, then.”

“Definitely,” Garak said, amused by Julian’s flusterment.

Julian, still gazing into Garak’s eyes, let his fingers move. He circled the smooth shape of Garak’s hemipene, making a noise of delight as it continued to evert into his touch. Garak’s body rushed with rising flames, and he rocked in place, breathing out tiny cries of pleasure.

He managed to open his eyes, and brightened with joy as he saw how Julian looked at him: he watched Garak’s face, captivated by what he saw.

Soon Garak glanced down to check he was fully everted, and he was. The rawness of his dark grey erection against the cool air of the ship was enough to sting him, and even Julian’s fluid-wet fingertips weren’t enough to prevent discomfort now. Garak grunted, wishing for the heat and humidity of his natural habitat. This enclosed bunk was far from the ideal mating ground for him.

“You look a bit uncomfortable,” Julian said quietly. “Am I doing it wrong?”

“Oh, no.” Garak kissed him. “Not at all, my dear. The problem is not of your making. Unfortunately there’s nothing to be done about the ship’s climate controls without endangering life support. I’ve checked. I believe you – hh’m – heard me swearing about it.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Nothing lubrication and friction can’t distract from,” Garak said, reaching past the pile of clothes to take up the bowl of lotion. “If you slick your hand this will be much easier for us both.”

Julian sat up a bit and dipped his fingers into the white semi-liquid, scooping a wad out onto all four fingers, then pressing it to his palm to warm it. He lay down again as Garak set aside the bowl, and without hesitation, Julian pulled a guttural groan from Garak with fingers and a plush palm slicking their way from head to base, trailing back and forth at the split of his sheath, then sliding back up. The sound of his movement was both disgusting and exquisite, wet and squishy and soon drowned out by another low drone from Garak’s chest.

Garak hummed, and steadied himself on forearms and knees, then began to rock into Julian’s hand, glad when the doctor formed a fist. Garak made sure to look at him as he moved, gratified just to see him lying there, offering his touch out of love. What else could it be? He cared for his patients, yes, but this kind of care was surely above and beyond his norm. Garak’s scales were singed by the heat of his affection, and he moaned out his adoration, peppering Julian’s face with soft kisses.

This was really not the ideal position for a handjob, Garak maintained. He supposed it made sense now why Julian lay on his back – if he’d mistakenly believed Garak was transgender, perhaps he thought Garak would feel more at ease being in control of how he was touched. But now that fallacy was over with, surely Garak could lie down?

He started to turn, but Julian caught him between his thighs, keeping him there.

“You be on top,” Julian said again, all breathy, desperation in his eyes. “Please.”

Garak hesitated, but nodded. He reminded himself that he was not the only one having this experience; Julian needed to be comfortable. 

Julian kept touching him carefully, and Garak stayed steady over him, wondering if this was how Humans usually gave handjobs. It seemed so impractical. Garak’s arms were already getting tired from holding himself up. It would take at least ten minutes to climax, even in his state of heightened sensitivity, and he definitely couldn’t maintain this position for that long.

He was about to ask why Julian couldn’t at least let him sit up while he pleasured him – but then Julian released his grip, and reached for the lotion again. Garak didn’t think they needed more yet... so, why—?

Julian scooped out a whole lot at once, and with little eager moans escaping him, he curled forward to look at himself, bit his lip, and slathered the lubricant between his own legs. Thighs rose and parted wider to show Garak their undersides, while Julian made sure the fluid settled into his anus, past the valley of his perineum, past the two funny dark blobs hung below his erection.

Garak was... shocked. Julian was touching himself as if to prepare for penetration. Had he been expecting this all along? Garak hadn’t thought they’d go any further than Julian’s hand on him, hence his confusion at Julian wanting to undress; hence his confusion at Julian’s chosen position. It was now apparent that Julian had begun this venture intending to be as physically intimate as two people could be – but going to such lengths was in _no_ way required by the situation. Did he know he didn’t need to? Would Ezri ever find out how far her partner was willing to go for someone else?

Regardless, Julian had a plan and he was sticking to it, clearly. He massaged himself for a while, breathing softly, letting go of delicate sounds – “Auh? Ahh... Hm...”

He then shut his eyes and moaned into his closed mouth, head back on the pillow. Garak set aside the bowl of lotion, unable to take his eyes off the doctor.

Julian swallowed, then let air flow from his parting lips. He blinked twice, dark eyes finding Garak’s. “I’m ready,” he murmured. “Go slowly, I— I’ve never done this with someone else before. And kiss me. Kiss me.”

_I’ve never really been with a man before. Always wanted to try it, I suppose._

_And why have you never?_

_Never met the right man._

Garak stared at Julian, who waited below, legs open, little vocalisations of want on his lips. Garak held his face, and kissed him as he’d asked. Julian kissed back with so much _heat_ , burning in his cheeks, blood plumping up his lips. He nosed forward and moaned and nuzzled into each kiss, hands stroking Garak’s hair, then his shoulder ridges.

“Elim,” Julian whispered against Garak’s cheek. “I’m ready. I’m ready for you.”

Garak breathed out. “I don’t need this much from you, Doctor.”

Julian eased back, concerned. “Y— You don’t want to?”

“Oh, I do.” Garak took Julian’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “I... truly, truly do, my dear... But do _you_? Is this what you want? Does this feel... _right_ , to you?”

“What could be _wrong_?” Julian smiled, but then hesitated. “Wait, do you feel like you can’t consent completely under the influence of the pollen? Because if that’s the case, I don’t want to—”

“Oh—!” Garak laughed, amused. “Doctor, I’m in control of my mind. Perfectly. The overanxiety wore off some time ago. My current situation could be summarised as... nothing more than a very desperate desire.”

“You’re just horny.”

“I... would not put it so crudely. But yes. I do need relief. But the worst that could come of not proceeding in _this_ fashion would be... ah, acute disappointment. And physical discomfort, frustration— Nothing I won’t recover from in a matter of hours. But the impact this act might have on you, and on your... relationships...” Garak swallowed, shivering over Julian. “I’ll ask again, Doctor. Does this feel right?”

Julian gave him the _softest_ look. “Dear God, Elim, _yes_.” He then shut his eyes and kissed Garak, and _smothered_ him with the kiss, and squirmed at the hips, making his skin touch Garak’s erection until they both moaned.

They split from their kiss just to look at each other.

Garak, in a flare of more desperation and desire, let his hard-ridged tip sink an inch into Julian’s waiting hole. Julian gasped for air over and over, gripping Garak’s shoulders, shifting his hips to get more comfortable.

“Push into me,” Julian breathed. “Slowly. Slowly.”

Garak did.

“GgaauuuUUuh,” Julian moaned, eyes shut, head back, legs entwining over Garak’s lower back, bringing Garak’s body down until he was relieved by the bed, no longer required to prop himself up. He lay against Julian for a while, sharing kisses and whimpers, feeling Julian stroke all the way down his inner thighs with a heel.

“Hmm— Hmh— Ohhhhkay,” Julian murmured, and panted a little before swallowing. He nodded. “I think I— Think I’m ready to move.”

Garak pushed into him, gently, and grinned when Julian went “Eep!” and then giggled. They carried on grinning together, eyes locked, as a gentle rhythm began, soft pushes, Garak moving only a couple of inches each time. Julian’s body was malleable under him, nudged over and over like a leaf on the edge of a tideline.

“Ohhh,” Julian groaned, eyes half-shut, mostly unfocused. “Ohh, I like it. Oh, God, I really like this. Auhhh...”

Garak chuckled, nosing under Julian’s jaw to kiss his neck. “Did you think you wouldn’t?”

Julian shook his head. “I’m— I’m just glad I do.” He shivered in Garak’s arms, lifting his head up for another kiss. “Mmmm.”

He broke the kiss to ask, “Do _you_ like it?”

Garak let go of a sharp laugh. “You wouldn’t venture to ask if you could sense how incomprehensibly radiant I feel. Yes, Doctor. _Julian_. Oh, Julian.” He kissed his neck again, purring against him. “I like it _very_ much indeed.”

Julian tipped his head and started to kiss Garak’s neck ridges, and Garak began to moan. Encouraged, Julian started to lick, sending fireballs of pleasure down every nerve Garak possessed. He didn’t know what noise he made, but it was loud and deep and made Julian moan in response.

“Ih—” Julian swallowed, panting. “Is it working? Is this—?” He lay back, such a pretty flush on every part of his face, all the way down his chest. His lips were gorgeously plump and dark red. “Is this what you needed?”

Garak nodded.

“What else can I do?” Julian begged. “I want to do it for you. Tell me.”

“You’re already doing it,” Garak promised him.

“Well, t’h— Tell me,” Julian shuddered. “Tell me what it is and I’ll do it more.”

Garak grinned at him, groaning as they began to shift more deeply, pushing harder but not faster, making the sheets wrinkle under them.

“Tell me, please,” Julian whispered. Then: “Ah—! Aouhhh, God, _yes_ , right there! Right th— Shit, shit—? Ah!”

Garak had apparently pushed a good spot inside Julian, because he’d tensed and held his hand tight and breathlessly begged for more of the same; Garak maintained his movements, repeating each thrust identical to the last.

“Uaaahhh... Elim. Elim! Oh’uhh—”

Garak groaned against Julian’s bared throat, giving him a teasing little nip of teeth against his windpipe. Julian cried out his desires and Garak provided, all of him aflame with the glory of giving the man he loved such pleasure.

“What I want, Doctor,” Garak told him, dark-voiced in his ear, “is your affirmations. And you give it so easily, my dear. I want for nothing. Julian, I am in want of _nothing_ whatsoever. This is... perfect to me.”

“F-F-Feels good,” Julian wailed. “Feels so good, it’s— Auhh. I like your voice. And— The way you push. And— Hm. Hmm. It’s so hot and s-smooth inside me and aauAAAAHh Garak Garak _Garak_ ohhhhGodohGod...”

He arched his back in his excitement, deepening their push and changing the angle, which gave Garak an urgent need to rush for more, and he began to buck forward, gripping Julian by the hair and breathing on his neck, running the tip of his nose up his shivering throat.

“Yes! N’yyeeessssss, just like that,” Julian hissed, squirming under Garak, legs stroking up and down, curling around Garak’s thighs. “Mmmmm!”

Mirroring each other’s energy, they found their movements changing, becoming more urgent for no obvious reason; they shifted fast and hard now, and Julian got so _noisy_. Garak adored hearing him moan, hearing him whimper and sob and shudder out helpless laughs between the other pleasured sounds he made.

“Wait!” Julian gasped, eyes open wide. “Elim, wait. S-stop for a moment.”

Although unwilling, Garak shivered to a halt, curious to know what was wrong. He was quietly terrified Julian had changed his mind about this— But Garak sighed out an “Ah,” of realisation as Julian reached for the bowl of lotion, grimacing as he scooped out the entire remainder, and dolloped it – cold! – where it was needed.

After some uncomfortable squeaks from both of them, the lotion warmed, and they both relaxed again, smiling at each other shyly. Garak bent to kiss Julian, gently, so grateful he still wanted this.

Soon a slow breath left Julian’s rounded lips. He nodded, letting the empty bowl roll from his relaxed hand, smiling as Garak shifted and wriggled to spread the new lubrication about.

Little shifts turned to slow, long pushes, and within thirty seconds, they’d returned to their forceful thumps and Julian was wailing again, crying out in renewed barks of ecstasy, now moving more comfortably than before.

Garak let a hand trail down Julian’s thin arm, until their palms met, and their fingers intertwined. They held on, Julian clutching tight, leaving Garak as delighted by that intimate contact just as much as their interlocking genitals or their kisses. He moved their joined hands so he could kiss them, a knuckle, then a finger, then a fingertip – and Julian squealed at that affection alone, which was, frankly, spectacular.

“Faster,” Julian urged, eyes crinkled shut in bliss, all of him falling apart more with every push. “Fasterfaster – oh my God, yes!” His plead was then overtaken by a hasty correction, eyes blinking open: “If you want. You’re the patient. I’m not— Don’t worry about meeee oh’uhh-uh uhh-uhh-nyuhh- _yes_ -hh—”

Garak chuckled down at him, revelling in the moment Julian realised he was going to be enjoying his experience to the utmost, no matter the true reason for it. Garak thumped into him and Julian roared at the back of his throat, trying to stay quiet but mostly failing.

“ _Ouh_ , Garak, yes,” Julian sobbed. “Kiss me. Kiss mmmm—”

Garak held him tight and filled him up over and over again, mouths sealed, noses pressing to each other’s cheeks and forcing out hard, fast breaths. They moaned onto each other’s mouths, nibbling lips and stealing each other’s air, turning heads one way and then the other as they pushed and throbbed and shook together, desperate for more of each other.

“Hm!” Julian grunted into the kiss, and Garak felt Julian’s temperature rise sharply, felt his erection pumping against Garak’s middle.

Julian fell from the kiss to wail, “Oh. Oh, God. Elim, I just—” He stared, dark eyes hungry on Garak’s. “I came. I came. Oh. You made me come. You made me _come_.”

Garak grinned at him, and slowed their pace right down, caressing Julian’s hot cheek with the backs of his fingers. “I hope it was a satisfactory climax?”

Julian nodded frantically, eyes fighting to stay open as his head rested on the pillow. “Don’t stop.”

Garak moved more easily now, slicked by – he looked down to check – a white viscous fluid, smeared all over Julian’s belly. Julian’s erection was still wet at the tip and throbbing visibly. Garak, intrigued by it all, took one of Julian’s thighs and pressed it up towards his own shoulder, changing the angle of penetration while helping Julian avoid overstimulation. Now Garak lay Julian’s buttocks down on his lap, knees folded under Julian’s lower back, and leaned forward just enough to push in, not moving too much, more appreciative of the closeness they had now, and the dazed look in Julian’s sparkling eyes. 

Julian kept moaning, with a more affirming tone than the desperation of before. He stroked Garak’s forearms with both hands, then slid to hold both hands, palms upright and pressed, then – as if by accident – their fingers slipped between each other. The close affinity shown by such a gesture was one Julian understood. Humans weren’t so different, really.

But in some respects they differed: while Julian seemed to desire speed and roughness to achieve orgasm, Garak now started to take his time, moving more and more slowly, absorbed in the eye contact he shared with his lover, thrilled by the simple touch of fingers between each other, fingertips subtly thrust back and forth to match what their hips did.

Sweet kisses fell to Julian’s chin, to his shoulders, to his chest; these were the things that truly made Garak’s body sing, made sensation dance through him like sunlit glitter on a desert breeze. Feeling the shuddering gust of Julian’s delighted exhale across his shoulder was nothing short of gorgeous.

Pressure came rising, wholesome and fulfilling, and then tumbling like a summer storm that howled deep inside. Garak came with a slow rumble of thunder, a cloud breaking inside Julian and gushing forth its flood, as a thousand tiny bolts of lightning struck across Garak’s surface in a grand force of static.

He made no vocal sound; he breathed heavily, face buried against Julian’s neck.

And he kissed him there, once he was done. Kiss, kiss.

He relaxed, ceasing to move. He lay beside Julian at last, hands still held. He remained deep inside Julian until the very last second, then slipped out along with a spill of fresh seed. Julian’s lashes fluttered at the new sensation, and he sucked his lip, smiling a little.

Now Julian gazed at Garak like he was the most mesmerising thing he’d ever seen. Nothing could distract his attention away, that much was clear. This was the darkest, most adoring gaze Garak had ever set eyes on.

It seemed, for those moments, that Julian would _never_ look away. But Garak couldn’t gamble on it; he saved himself the pain of seeing the aura of pleasure wear off, and looked away first.

“Thank you, Doctor,” Garak said, putting one final kiss on Julian’s lips. Julian tried to chase him for more, but Garak sat up and turned his back. “That was... immensely satisfying. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.”

He put his underwear on, then looked back, despite knowing he shouldn’t.

Julian lay there, all dazzled, the back of one hand on his forehead, elbow in the air, a wonky smile on his lips and a soft, unfocused look in his eyes. Julian’s eyes slipped to meet Garak’s, and he grinned, unable to speak. He looked like he was brimming with love, and oh, was it a _sight_ to behold.

But Garak turned to pull his pants on, then stood to do them up, refusing to look at his lover again.

The doctor had done nothing more meaningful than provide medical support. Even if dear Julian did _enjoy_ giving such intimate care, and wanted it so ferociously despite still being in a relationship with Ezri, that said more about him than it did Garak.

Garak’s problem had been solved. So now it was time to move on.

  
♥  



	5. Liminal Love

Garak and Julian took separate sonic showers, then returned to their seats in the cockpit. Kasidy and Keiko had taken the middle seats, so Garak had the seat on the far left, and Julian was relegated to the seat mirrored across the cockpit.

Julian sat down, then stood up abruptly, then sat again but on his own ankle this time, so his sensitive anus wasn’t pressed to the seat. Hot mug held in his lap, he looked to his left and realised Garak had picked up some Earl Grey tea on the way back too. They shared a companionable smile across the cockpit, but to Julian, it seemed like a lackluster smile on Garak’s part.

Maybe Julian hadn’t done enough for him. But if Garak wanted something else, why did he leave so soon? Julian would’ve lain with him for another hour if need be. _My God_ , he thought, _I would’ve lain there even if there was no need at all. We could’ve talked for hours, alone._

They weren’t _going_ to talk about what just happened, that much was obvious. They had company again, and there was only an hour left until they’d dock at DS9. The cockpit was no place for pillow talk, even medically-motivated pillow talk.

It seemed odd to Julian that Garak was so adamant that they hadn’t had enough time to _talk_ on Bajor, and was now seemingly avoiding every opportunity to catch up.

Julian tried asking him about the ship’s coordinates, and Garak told him. Julian asked how the tea tasted, and Garak said it was fine. Julian asked if he had anything nice planned for tomorrow, and Garak said no. What _were_ his plans? He was going back to Bajor early tomorrow morning, then to Cardassia by the evening.

And nothing came of any of it. Not one hint of real conversation.

Either Garak was exhausted, or he was upset.

And it was a quiet, defeated kind of upset. Julian didn’t know what to do.

  
♥  


Julian kept track of the time, but silently, not asking the computer to read it aloud. He didn’t want everyone else to realise he was counting down the minutes, then the seconds, until this trip was over and the bubble would break. They were in another world, it seemed, seperated from anywhere he or Garak would call home. This was a liminal space and a liminal time, and it was clear the usual rules didn’t apply here. They could be lovers here. They _had_ been lovers.

Could they be lovers again?

Julian wasn’t sure what he’d prepared for when they’d started out from DS9 earlier, but making love to one of his closest friends hadn’t been on the agenda. Not for today, anyway. It was on the to-do list of his life, certainly. He could check that one off for the second time. Just because Ezri got there first didn’t mean Julian couldn’t want something similar with Garak.

But... if things were going to go back to how they were before, once this trip ended, surely...

Surely...?

They could do it again. Just once more. There were fifty-two minutes left until they’d reach DS9. Docking permission would take twenty-eight seconds. Complete docking procedures would take nearly two minutes.

Fifty-five minutes provided more than enough time.

He stared at Garak, watching him drink tea. Julian soon looked away, trying to take his mind off his longing, but his eyes always drifted back. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, not really. But it was warm. Hungry.

He wanted to be near him again. If Garak refused to talk then maybe he could listen. Julian wanted to tell him so many things, but they hadn’t had the chance yet.

So... he ought to seize his chance while he still could.

He put down his mug and crossed the cockpit, stroking a hand over Garak’s shoulder ridges.

Garak looked up, surprised by the caress.

Julian smiled, cocking his head as a signal. _Meet me out there_. He stepped back and away, moving to the hallway doors, looking back, then leaving.

He stood in the hallway and waited.

Less than a minute later Garak appeared in the doorway, curious-eyed, looking around to see where Julian was hiding. As soon as the doors to the cockpit slid shut, Julian stepped out from behind the corner of the bathroom wall and grabbed Garak’s collar, dragging him two steps closer and into a passionate, breathy kiss. Julian nudged with his chin and rolled his lips in circles and hummed his desires incomprehensibly into Garak’s mouth, his entire front pressing to Garak’s, pushing onto his hips.

Garak held Julian’s lower back, and kept holding it as Julian dropped away for breath.

“You,” Julian panted, taking another kiss, then another five. “You probably need it again, don’t you. Need to— Mmm. Mmh. Ah.” Julian pushed Garak against the hallway wall, rocking his nose and mouth into Garak’s, stealing as much contact and affection as Garak allowed him. “Hmmm. We need to have sex again. Before the ship docks.”

“Do we indeed,” Garak intoned, smiling into the kiss.

Julian nodded. “Medical opihh...” He faded out into a vocal sigh of want, as Garak now gripped his buttocks, then slid all the way up his back to hold his head, fingers split through his hair. “MMedihhh... hhhuuuhh ghhh...”

Garak kissed him first this time, softly, head tilted, eyes closed. Julian moaned and melted into the absolute _tenderness_ of it, hands going weak on Garak’s cheeks, toes curling inside his boots.

“As it happens, Doctor,” Garak said quietly, having eased out of the kiss with a bowed head, “that’s not a lie I’m happy to tell. I was satisfied by our previous rendezvous. In the time we’ve spent back in the cockpit, the pollen’s demands have come to a conclusive end.”

Julian’s heart sank. “Oh.”

Garak gave him an assuring smile. “But I promise you, Doctor, I did enjoy what we did together. And now I want for nothing.”

Julian fretted. “But you seem so... quiet. I thought maybe you were upset.”

“And kissing you again has helped me feel better,” Garak said. “But I assure you, I require nothing more of you.”

Julian, disappointed, let Garak unpin himself from the wall. Head hung, Julian hugged himself with one arm. “But...” Julian swallowed, looking at Garak, heart tearing itself apart with yearning. “But I want to... help.”

Garak touched his shoulder. “You’ve already helped me, Doctor. There’s really nothing else you need to do.”

He squeezed Julian’s shoulder, then turned to head back for the cockpit.

“But I _want_ to,” Julian said again. Chills rushed through him as he confessed, “Garak, I— I want... you. I want be with you while we still have time. Before we dock and everything changes.”

“ _Be_ with me.” Garak looked back at him, studying him. “Do you mean for sex? Or—”

“Anything! Sex, talking, both.”

Garak took an uncertain breath in. “Are you – sure? Providing assistance in my time of need was one thing, but to elect to engage with me once free of that pressure is quite another. You don’t think... perhaps... doing this might... _upset_ someone very dear to us both—”

“I’m sure, Garak! Nobody else needs to find out, do they? What’s _upsetting_ is us both being here together, with relative privacy, _wanting_ this, and not taking advantage! Uh-Unless... you don’t... want to?”

Julian fretted, suddenly doubting everything that had led to this moment. What if Garak really _had_ only slept with him because he needed to? What if it hadn’t felt... _romantic_ for him, as it had for Julian?

Garak seemed to be grappling with a difficult thought, but settled, and admitted, “It is true that this could be our last opportunity...”

“We’ll make it count,” Julian promised, trying to hide his relief. “Even better than the last time.”

“Ah,” Garak said in amusement, “that could be a challenge.”

Julian pressed to him and kissed his nose, grinning when Garak held him closer. “Yes or no?”

“Of course yes,” Garak said, as if annoyed Julian would bother to ask. “A vehement and unyielding yes, Doctor.”

“‘Julian’.” Julian smiled. “Not ‘Doctor’.”

“Hm.” Garak’s hum was a happy one. He followed Julian by the hand to the bunks, and when the doors closed, they fell back into a deep, _slow_ kiss, breathing heavily against each other’s cheeks.

Hands stroked along shoulders and around waists, then eventually began to fumble on fastenings and clasps, ready to undress each other.

Julian broke away first so he could denude himself, while Garak did the same, each catching sight of the other in ungainly positions and laughing, then returning to their hopping and waddling and bending down, leaving clothes all over the floor until they were finally naked and able to topple together into the same bunk they’d used before.

The wet patch was still a little wet, but Julian bravely lay just around it, hoping it would warm up and then he wouldn’t notice.

Garak shuffled forward, straddling Julian’s waist with thighs apart around him, showing off his open genital slit. The delicate scales there began to poke up, as the entire erogenous zone flushed a dark lilac with excitement.

Julian hesitated, then sat up and leaned forward, his spine curved low so he could lick at Garak’s opening. Garak bumped his head on the upper bunk in his shock. He held himself steady with a hand on the lower bunk’s roof, and laughed in awe as Julian’s tongue tickled at the front of him, lapping and tasting and then—!

Garak yelped as he fell over backwards, pushed by Julian, mounted with a catlike stride, peered at by a hot, intent gaze. Julian moaned and bowed down, kissing down Garak’s chest, fitting his tongue into the teardrop ridge over Garak’s heart. Another moan purled out from each of them, then Julian moved on, lower, lower, taking Garak’s knees in his hands and opening out his legs, finding space for his head between Garak’s thighs.

“Oh,” Garak shuddered. “ _Ouuh_ , J— _Julian_!”

Julian had grown ravenous, lapping up Garak’s wetness and leaving more behind. He sank his entire muzzle into Garak’s thickened partition, tongue going deeper, finding where the fine, lubricated scales faded to scorching, slick internal flesh. Garak surged his hips in his pleasure, a knee knocking the back wall of the bunk, both hands going to hold Julian’s head.

Garak’s natural lubricant didn’t taste at all Human, nor like anything recognisable, but he was tart and savoury and heavy on the tongue. Judging by Garak’s wailed responses to his oral ministrations, Julian’s hot breath was like victory on the tip of his semi-erect organ, the swipe of a tongue like the prize that followed. Yet Julian could feel Garak struggling to evert from his sheath; it was probably too soon since his last climax to even try. But still, he was clearly arush with pleasures of all sorts, just as Julian was tickled and tingly from his scalp to the soles of his feet.

Once Julian decided Garak’s body simply wasn’t ready for full arousal, he moved on, kissing down Garak’s inner thighs, then opening his mouth over his left knee and breathing a searing lungful of air against his scales.

Down farther...

There was an especially vulnerable feeling in Julian’s heart as he held Garak’s left foot, and placed a devoted kiss upon the top of it. As he did, he looked into Garak’s eyes, unadulterated wonder having overtaken him so very completely. He gave Garak’s ankle a kiss, and then each of his toes in turn.

Garak watched himself being lavished with attention, and his eyelids began to close every so often, peaceful smiles on his lips.

Julian, too, found himself drifting into bliss unlike anything he’d felt before. The space around them became dreamy and pearlescent, and Garak’s wanton gaze and the heat of each touch was all but a tangible rainbow upon Julian’s skin.

“I’ve missed you,” Garak whispered, as Julian rubbed a cheek against the top of his foot. “More than I thought I could miss anyone.”

Julian ceased his kisses, holding Garak’s right foot to his chin. He watched him, and stroked him, wordless.

“I don’t know what to do without you,” Garak said, as Julian started to kiss his way back up his leg. “I realised once you weren’t with me that the lunches we shared were the only way I marked the passage of time with any accuracy. You were... You were what I looked forward to. Without you my days blur together. Rest days aren’t restful, they’re merely crammed full of all the things I couldn’t get done before. And I miss you. I miss you through all of it. Sometimes I wonder why I feel so despondent, and then I remember your absence and it explains all.”

Julian lay beside him now, hands holding Garak’s face, while Garak held his wrists. They looked at each other softly.

“I think about you every day,” Julian confessed. “I _still_ look forward to talking to you. Messaging you or calling you on a comm-line, it’s the highlight of my entire week.” He considered what he wanted to say, then nodded as he decided it was true. “You’ve been the single most comforting person in my life over the last eight months.”

Garak first looked surprised, then worried.

“I mean it,” Julian impressed. “You’re the best part of my current existence – and you haven’t even been close enough to hug.” A whisper: “Or kiss.”

Garak stroked glossiness off Julian’s chin. His hand then rose to comb back through his hair. “Imagine how good it could be if we were together in one place. And nothing and nobody stood in our way.”

Julian sighed. “Ohhh, I have. I have imagined that. A million times over.”

Garak brought him close to kiss him, lying together on their sides, smooching and holding tight.

Kisses and nuzzles became pecks and cuddles, and within a minute or two, Julian realised he’d forgotten his lust, and had settled into love.

They lay there, touching each other gently – arms, eyelids, lips, hands – but forgot what had been happening below the waist. It didn’t matter anymore. This was what they both really wanted.

“What would Ezri think of... this?” Garak asked after a minute. Of all things, he sounded scared. “Of you and I?” He teased a lock of loose hair back from Julian’s baffled face. “You’ve said nobody needs to find out about our little tryst here. But does Ezri have any idea how willing you were to pleasure me at the first opportunity? Despite all the evidence to the contrary, my dear, I still... _struggle_ to believe you’d allow yourself to enjoy this as much as you have if she wasn’t aware of the... hm, certain... _affections_ you have for me.”

Julian frowned. Then he propped himself up on an elbow and stared at Garak in astonishment. “Ezri...” He blinked. “ _Ez-ri_?!”

Garak glanced unsurely between his eyes. “Last you mentioned, you and her were—”

“In a relationship— Garak, that was _seven months ago_.” Julian couldn’t believe what Garak asked. “Did I never tell you she left? No, of course I didn’t; you steered the subject away whenever I started talking about her. You— For God’s sake, Garak, did you sleep with me thinking I was still with her?! That I was willing to cheat on her?!”

“I’m asking now, am I not? I’m merely curious.”

“No!” Julian almost laughed, almost smacked Garak in the face. “No, I’m not dating Ezri; we broke up! Seven – _months_ – ago.”

Garak exhaled in obvious relief. “Terribly sorry to hear it.”

“ _Are_ you?” Julian glared at him, fondly, starting to smile. His tone became a tease: “Or was it a little _exciting_ that I’d go behind her back to be with you?”

“That’s neither here nor there,” Garak said, haughtily. “You were performing a medical service.”

Julian snorted and rolled his eyes, lying down with his cheek on Garak’s bare shoulder. “So I was. Still am, technically.” He rubbed Garak’s chest with a fingertip. “If anyone asks.”

Garak smirked against Julian’s forehead.

“She went back to Trill,” Julian mumbled onto Garak’s chest, eyes shut as Garak stroked his hair. “She never had her formal symbiont training. There was a lot to catch up on.”

“So you and Ezri parted ways as... friends?”

“Very good friends. We still talk. She’s dating an artist now, a Bolian woman.”

Garak stroked Julian’s jaw, thumb slipping to feel his lips. “And you and I, Doctor? Once we get back to the station... how will we part ways? As friends?”

“Oh, don’t even question it,” Julian murmured. He held Garak’s hand, and kissed it. “Yes, as friends.”

“Good friends?”

“Better,” Julian said firmly.

“Lovers?”

Julian peeked up, shrugging. “Can’t really be lovers if we’re not together, can we?”

Garak sighed, and Julian’s head sank an inch with him.

“But we’re together now,” Julian said quietly. He lifted his head, and put a kiss on Garak’s lips. “So let’s make the most of it, shall we?”

  
♥  


Garak was awoken from a comfortable doze by the hiss of a door. He stirred, and inhaled slowly. He felt a draft – then heard breath intaken sharply. He snapped his eyes open wide – and yelped, holding Julian’s naked body in front of himself like a shield.

Julian awoke immediately, seeing Keiko standing by the bed with her hands over her eyes, jabbering, “I’msorryI’msorry I didn’t know you were— The runabout’s about to dock, I just came to make sure you knew, I’m so-so- _so_ sorry – I’m leaving now, bye!”

She left with a shriek of amused horror, and the doors slid shut when she was gone.

Julian huffed through his gaping mouth, then turned to Garak, unsure how to feel. Garak buried his face in the mattress, groaning in embarrassment.

Julian chuckled, stroking his back. “I’m sure she didn’t see too much.”

“Shmm sahhw plmmenty,” Garak murmured into the bed. He lifted his head and chided, “If the designers of these runabouts insist on removing any and all semblance of privacy when it comes to the sleeping arrangements, the very _least_ they could do is provide blankets.”

“You could’ve replicated one.”

“I had other things on my mind.”

“Hm.” Julian smacked a kiss to Garak’s forehead. “Come on. It’s going to be a lot worse if we dock and someone in another lurking ship looks in through the window.”

“Grhgh.”

They got out of bed, Julian first, Garak second, and somewhat lethargically pulled their clothes back on, hunting around for the right garments from the floor. Julian sat down to pull on his shoes, watching Garak doing up the back fastening on his tunic.

“Do you think maybe we _should’ve_ had sex again?” Julian wondered. “This second time, I mean. Maybe we squandered three-quarters of an hour mumbling about how nice you smell and how pretty my eyes are and kissing each other’s fingers.”

“On the contrary,” Garak said gently, giving Julian a defiant look. “I think it was time well spent. I feel lighter in both body and spirit.”

Julian smirked. “Yeah.” He looked down and stomped his boot on properly. “Me too. I don’t know why I’m even doubting. I suppose _I_ needed a hug.”

“Almost certainly.”

They stood, and Julian reached to tidy Garak’s tunic lapel while Garak fussed with Julian’s hair. Their hands stilled, and then moved to take each other’s, holding on.

“I wish this wasn’t just a one-off,” Julian said, sighing. “I really... _really_ enjoyed this.”

Garak just smiled, sadly. He nodded.

He leaned in, put a little kiss on Julian’s cheek, then turned to leave without another word or a look back.

  
♥  



	6. Tiny Tea Vortex

Although there was plenty of pollen for Kasidy to make it through the next couple of months, Julian decided it would be more useful, not just for her but for the entire community, if the DS9 replicators had the pollen’s biological composition on file. That way hormone-stabilising tea could be produced infinitely so long as resources remained – and, as Kira agreed, could be given to the Bajoran people over the coming years while they grew more katterpods.

“What do you think of this one?” Julian asked, sliding a fifth mug to Kira across the Infirmary’s analytical console. “Does it need more lemon?”

Kira took a sniff, then a sip, then winced and drew back. “Too much lemon. _Way_ too much.”

“Really?” Julian took back the mug, and while Kira grimaced and wrinkled her ridged nose, Julian sipped the same mug and hummed in delight. “I don’t know. Seems perfect to me.”

“Well then, you order _yours_ with extra lemon,” Kira said firmly. “I prefer Bajoran citrus. Add it to the replicator menu so people can choose their own acidic addition. Keiko likes pineapple.”

Julian shrugged and put down the mug. “Alright. And once I’ve done that, I think I’ll call it a night – what is it, nearly one o’clock? Oops.”

“Past your bedtime, Doctor?” Kira grinned.

“No need for sleep when there’s medicinal tea to brew,” Julian said. “How is Kasidy, by the way?”

“Better than this morning,” Kira said. “Keiko’s in her quarters, making sure she gets to bed okay. Take her up the tea once you’re done, it’ll help her sleep.”

Julian nodded a few times, already scooping out more pollen in a medical measuring spoon, while replicating more hot water to create the perfect tea blend. Kira got up, patted him on the back, then left him to work.

  
♥  


Julian came to the doors of Captain Sisko’s quarters, a steaming mug of tea in each hand. He crouched part-way and did an awkward shuffle to let his elbow poke the doorbell, then stood, smiling as light dawned on his face: Kasidy invited him in.

“Hallo, you,” Julian greeted her. She was stretched out sideways along the sofa, a blanket over her legs, grinning. Keiko sat at her feet, massaging them for her. “Brought you the _perfect_ mug of katterpod pollen tea.”

“You stayed up so late,” Kasidy exclaimed, taking the full mug gratefully. “You were making this?”

“Adding it to the replicators. Keiko, do you want some? This one was for you but I’ve been sipping it already. I quite like it. Extra pineapple.”

“Oh, no, thanks, I’m good,” Keiko smiled. “I should get going soon; I have twice as much to do in the Cargo Bays tomorrow.”

Julian invited himself to the sticky-out part of the L-shaped sofa, and perched there, holding his tea. “While you’re both here...” A flutter of dread crossed his chest, but he took a sip of tea and bolstered himself up to speak. “I just... wanted to apologise. For my behavior on the runabout earlier. It was unprofessional for a medical officer _and_ the commander of a Starfleet vessel to leave a post like that, no matter the mission... And especially given... _why_ I left... Um.” He ducked his head. “I’m sorry to both of you. If you wanted to report me to Colonel Kira or to Starfleet, I’d understand.”

Keiko offered a kind smile, shaking her head – but Kasidy looked perplexed.

“No offence to you, Doctor, but what are you talking about?” Kasidy asked. “Garak was all over the map. I know _I_ was a bit outta sorts – but compared to him? Honey, I was doing just fine. Hell, I was glad you weren’t still trying to fly the ship like we were in a holosuite car chase.”

“Oh...h...” Julian’s eyes darted from Kasidy to Keiko, realising Keiko hadn’t said a word to Kasidy about what she’d seen. She kept smiling gently, and Julian came to understand she didn’t hold his actions against him, and she had no intention of reporting him to anyone.

Julian sighed a little, grateful, but grimaced a moment later and looked down into his tea. “It’s true, the first time he and I left the cockpit – when he said he was taking a nap – I was helping Garak. But, um. The second time... it was just for fun.”

Kasidy was even more confused than before. She looked to Keiko. “You got any clue what this boy’s talking about, or am I just too damn tired to make sense of it?”

Keiko opened her mouth, then grinned, eyes on Julian. “Raw pollen inhalation usually produces a range of symptoms. We saw the mood swings and the hunger pangs and the, uhm, oversensitivity. But,” she steadied her expression, then told Kasidy, “Dr. Bashir dealt with the second wave privately.”

“Second wave of what—?”

“I slept with him,” Julian forced out. “Twice. Well, technically once. When Garak said he was having a nap he wasn’t actually napping, but then we went back, and we did actually nap that time. But we, um... had sex.”

Kasidy burst out laughing, head back, and Keiko grabbed her tea before it sloshed everywhere. Kasidy chortled, “You’re tellin’ me that sobbing mess _thank-you-for-this-miracle_ Garak was off-the-charts horny? And that was what all the squirming about was for? Oh my God. And—” She pointed at Julian. “You? Oh my _God_. That explains the yelling.”

“The yelling?” Julian said worriedly.

“We thought you were having a fight in the back or something,” Kasidy grinned. “Figured we’d, ah-huh, let you battle it out. Cardassian style, or whatever. That’s how those guys flirt, right? Arguing?”

Julian blushed, head down. He hadn’t realised they’d moaned loud enough to be heard from the other end of the ship. “You mean you thought we were involved even though you didn’t _know_ we were involved.”

“Doctor, I’ve played with chemistry sets with less chemistry in the components than you and _Garak_.” Kasidy shook her head in amusement, swilling her tea around, then sipping some more. “Whether you were fighting or not... sounded like you had a good time.”

Julian caught Kasidy’s eyes, smiling because she smiled. He nod-nodded, shyly.

Keiko added, “They seemed pretty comfortable together when I walked in.”

Kasidy looked at her, then huffed out a laugh. “Explains that, too. _You_ looked like you’d seen a freakin’ ghost when you came back to the cockpit.”

Keiko and Julian shared a smirk.

“Julian, you should go talk to him,” Keiko said, with a touch of seriousness. “Garak. Spend time with him tonight while you have the chance. He’s off tomorrow; he’s booked a shuttle back to Bajor. Computer, time?”

“ _Time is one-sixteen hours._ ”

“He’s leaving in less than six hours.”

“Yeaaah.” Julian sank down, staring morosely into his tea, watching two little yellow blobs spiral around and around each other, kept apart by the force of the spinning. They wouldn’t ever touch, not unless Julian made them, or the mug ran dry. “I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?” Keiko asked.

“Whether it’s worth it.” Julian pressed his lips together, heart sinking. “Ezri’s so far away – and we did try for a little bit, trying to maintain a relationship over that distance. It... It’s not good. It’s not good for me. For some people, I’m sure it works fine – like for _you_ , Keiko – you and Miles. You’re here and Miles is on Earth. But you’ll meet up again in a couple of weeks and it’ll be fine. You miss each other but you _know_ it’s not long to wait. Kasidy – your husband’s literally Gods-know-where, but he still talks to you, doesn’t he? He’s a blink away. You’re never really apart.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I need people... _with_ me. I need physical contact.” He covered his mouth with a hand, feeling angst bubble up and rush him with oncoming tears, and he looked down at his tea and cursed it for betraying him. “I need affection, I need—” He set down the mug and wiped tears off his cheeks, sniffing. “I need _closeness_. And Garak living on Cardassia and me living here is a situation just as doomed to failure as Ezri being on Trill. All I can do is...” He swallowed, eyes flicking to the grates in the ceiling. “Part ways with him as friends. Good friends. And wait for someone else to be romantic with, someone who actually lives within a reasonable distance.”

Keiko reached to hold his hand gently. “But that’s not what you want.”

“Of course it’s not what I want,” Julian muttered. “I want to be _with_ him.”

Kasidy was staring at him when he glanced at her. “So?” she said. “ _Be_ with him.”

“ _How_ , exactly? I live and work here, I can’t shuttle back and forth to Cardassia every five minutes when I want a good-morning kiss. And Garak’s trying to fix a government system and rebuild an entire civilisation down there; he has too much responsibility to cut and run now. We both have too much to do. Ironically that’s _why_ we need each other – we need each other’s support. Comfort. We’re both... well, _horrifically_ lonely.”

“Then _find_ a way,” Kasidy replied. “Decide you’ll make it work no matter what, then figure it out together. There’s always possibilities, doc. Sometimes, yeah, there’s sacrifices that have to be made to get what you want, but if it’s what you need— If it’s what you both need...”

“It’s worth it,” Keiko finished.

Julian scoffed, picking up his tea again.

He stared into the mug. As the spinning vortex of tea had settled, the two yellow blobs had clung to each other, and now spun slowly in the middle of the mug, inseparable.

  
♥  


Garak could not sleep. He was used to it by now. His mind did nothing but gallop about too fast and too vaguely to catch a glimpse of any useful thoughts, and even when he did snare a salient suggestion, mayhaps, he ended up going over his to-do list for tomorrow a dozen times over, despite knowing, firstly, exactly what he needed to do, and secondly, that no matter how meticulously he planned, the plan would change after each hour that elapsed.

What he needed to do now was sleep, that was all. Close his eyes and not think.

Too much to hope for.

After what was surely four hours, divided by two visits to the refresher, he could feel fatigue prickling behind his eyes and sticking his eyelids down. His mind still wandered, but more slowly. Sludge at the bottom of a fast-moving river started to settle.

And then someone rang his doorbell.

_Chee-birp_.

It was both a familiar and unfamiliar sound; he knew its digital chime from what seemed like a past lifetime. Eight months away from DS9 had rendered it foriegn.

Blinking himself fully-conscious, Garak sat up and ordered the lights to turn on low. The doorbell bleeped again, and Garak slid out from under the covers, feet tucked into his slippers.

He expected the bleep to come again, but it didn’t.

He shuffled to the door, pulling on a robe. “Enter,” he said, his voice heavy at the back of his throat.

The doors opened but nobody was there.

He kept his distance from the doors, wary of stepping outside in case someone attacked him. “Do you _know_ what time it is? Kindly enter or retreat quickly, whoever you are. Else I’m going back to bed.”

Julian’s ruffled head poked around the corner, his face lit in blue from the hallway lights. “Oh. Hello. I thought you were asleep so I left. ”

Garak was pleased to see him, but couldn’t let joy overcome him until he knew the reason for Julian’s visit. “To what do I owe this pleasure, Doctor?”

Julian stepped in slowly, mouth hanging open around unsaid words, hands tense at his sides. “Um. Well?”

Garak hoped for things he couldn’t find or need words for. His chest ached, his hands craved, his eyes wished to close and show his trust, but instead he stood firm: stoic, still, and staring.

“I-I-I heard you, um,” Julian started, as the doors finally slid shut behind him. “I heard you booked passage for Bajor. Tomorrow morning.”

“Later this morning, in fact,” Garak said. “Oh-seven-hundred hours.”

“Hm.” Julian nodded, head down. “Right, yes. And I... I thought I ought to come here... I’m _sorry_ it’s so late – early, really – and I didn’t want to disturb you, but like Keiko said, this might be my last chance to tell you...” He hesitated twice, then met Garak’s eyes and said, in a desperate, wishful breath, “Garak, I want—”

Garak waited.

“I wanted to say goodbye.”

Garak’s heart hit the floor. He lowered his eyes and nodded, berating himself for wanting more than he deserved. “Your farewell is greatly appreciated, Doctor.”

Julian hugged an arm around himself and nodded. “I’m going to miss you.”

“And I, you.”

Julian sighed, shoulders slumping. “Okay. Anyway, that’s all. I was just worried I might not catch you before your shuttle. So.” He inched forward, then rushed for a quick and impersonal hug. Garak didn’t get time to return pressure before Julian had fallen away, wearing a tight smile.

With a grimace and a palm touching his forehead, Julian turned for the door.

“Julian,” Garak said, before he could stop himself.

Julian paused, and looked back. There was hope in his eyes. “Yes?”

A tentative whisper followed: “...Elim?”

Garak stared at him.

How painfully ironic. Garak’s mind would hop along at a lightyear a minute whenever he tried to rest. In waking hours he prided himself on being an extraordinary elocutionist, particularly when dear Julian was his debate partner. He could talk about anything; he could find words to fill any silence and make it interesting. He could make up stories when no truth came to mind. And yet here he stood, his mind blank. He looked into Julian’s hazel-green eyes, and between two unsteady breaths, watched isolated spinning galaxies touch at their untethered tails and fall together into one cosmic spirograph bloom – and it happened in perfect, divine silence.

There was nothing to say.

So Garak stepped forward and kissed him.

Julian collapsed into Garak’s arms, a _desperate_ one-note hum bursting from the back of his throat as he _clutched_ at Garak’s clothes, one hand shifting to hold the back of his neck. Heads turned; the same kiss grew forceful and heated, breaths harsh and hurried; Garak held Julian by the head and by the back, pulling him in, their frantic assemblage of lights merging and twisting and becoming one, once and for all.

To any outsider looking in, this might have seemed like some writhing, hungry satiation of physical need, two men gripping each other with all their might and trying to drive their breath into each other’s mouths, but to Garak – to Julian – it was a million secrets told all at once, left unspoken over most of a decade filled with conversation; this was a promise of peace amidst a war that still raged after it ended for everyone else; this was safety and _relief_ and a moment that could only change their lives forever.

They kissed on their slow way towards the bedroom, not without purpose, but not without reserve, either. Even at the emotional apex of this entanglement, Garak knew that a full moon had to wane, and he could not still be here when true morning came. What was love, in the grim face of reality? Naught but a fantasy. Duty trumped desire by default. For him and for Julian.

They lay in an intimate embrace, holding hands, kissing cheeks and noses and closed eyes, sharing heat and space, appreciating their last moments before it was all gone again. Who knew when they could see each other next?

Garak resisted the urge to ask the computer for the time.

Hours would pass and they would never be enough.

  
♥  



	7. The Fine Theatrics of Decent Tea

Thunder _boomed_ overhead, accompanied by the feral hiss of the downpour. The rain hadn’t let up for hours, and it showed no signs of stopping. Julian peered out from under his sodden and leaking tarp, breath coming out cool in the absolute heat and humidity of Cardassian air.

“Next time,” Julian said, looking down at the padd he held on his crooked legs, where Garak’s smiling face peered up at him, glitching occasionally, “I’m bringing a coat with a hood.”

“ _You could have checked the weather forecast beforehand, you know._ ”

“I was in too much of a rush!” Julian complained, jostled roughly as the battered communal skimmer he travelled on bumped in and out of a rough patch of road. “Oof. At least your plants get watered again.”

“ _They_ have _been growing exponentially in this weather,_ ” Garak agreed. “ _Although I’d like to think it’s more my tender, loving care that encourages them on, rather than just a gloomy few weeks making them crave more light._ ”

Julian grinned. He took a deep breath and peeked out to see past the shadow of the tarp, appreciating the fieldlands for the last time before primal structures came up, and the skimmer parted crowds as it moved slowly through the market.

“I’m close,” Julian said, looking about more. Damaged red brick road had been filled in with colourful painted rocks, and all the stores around the courtyard had been newly erected after the war but in semi-permanent formations. A cathedral in the hazy distance was perpetually in the middle of being renovated, its angular mass prickled all over with scaffolding needles. Nearby and far away were Cardassians, young and old, going about their business, trading for food and supplies as they held protection over their heads to keep the rain off their dark heads of sleek hair, and their grey, ridged faces.

“There!” Julian exclaimed, spotting a pack of hulking beasts inside a massive cage. “There’s the riding hound merchants you mentioned— Dear _God_ , Elim, did your father really let you play with those things as a child?”

“ _I trained mine myself,_ ” Garak said. “ _I named her ‘Little’, which means ‘little’._ ”

“I’m sorry?”

“I said I named her ‘Little’, which means—”

“Wait-wait!” Julian shook his head. “Translator’s translating both. Hang on.” He handled his padd against a knee and hurriedly looked up the word ‘little’ in his Cardassian-Standard dictionary.

 _Tikra_ , the dictionary spelled out, phonetically.

“Tikra,” Julian said, laughing softly. “That’s charming.”

“ _Suffice to say she grew out of the name very quickly. If I hadn’t hit a growth spurt at the same time I would’ve started to look like her dinner rather than her master._ ”

“You’re not reassuring me, Garak.”

“ _I didn’t mean to. The truth is not always tender, Doctor. You know this._ ”

“I do,” Julian sighed.

He licked a tickle of rain off his lower lip, lifting the tarp just a bit to check the sky. It was blinding bright with an orange tinge, and all across the expanse came another bullying pulsation of sound, shaking the skimmer in its faulty antigrav route. Julian tingled with anticipation.

“I can’t wait to see you,” he murmured, eyes dropping back to the padd.

“ _Believe me, Doctor, my excitement is more than a match for yours. Ah, one pot of red leaf tea, please._ ”

“You’re ordering without me?!” Julian pouted. “Garak, you bastard, you promised you’d wait.”

“ _You’re mere minutes away, my dear,_ ” Garak promised. “ _I’d wager you make it to me and steal a kiss before the tea even touches my lips._ ”

“I’ll take that bet,” Julian grumbled. “So long apart, and now I’m racing against your barista.”

“ _My dear Julian,_ ” Garak said fondly, “ _you are in competition with no-one._ ”

  
♥  


Garak sat at a cafe table for two, beside one of the open stone arches that looked out on the market street. The view was masked by ever-pouring tendrils of stormwater, gushing off the roof and trickling in ropes past the vines that grew long from the arch. Garak, with his padd in both hands, drew a deep breath, and felt his anticipation rising.

“ _Oh, damn this weather,_ ” Julian uttered. The view of his face swung out of frame as he jumped down from his skimmer. “ _And I tried so hard to keep my trousers dry. Splashed right up to my knee!_ ”

“Oh, but why does it matter?” Garak crooned, feeling whimsical. “Blessed be any storm that blows you my way.”

Julian cooed affectionately, lifting the padd to show himself dripping wet and messy-haired in the courtyard Garak had invited him to. “ _Which restaurant is it? The one with the firepit outside or the one with the hole blown through the middle?_ ”

“Take a guess, Doctor, I’m sure the tea will still be hot once you decide.”

“ _You’re not even going to hint?_ ”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Garak looked up and smiled as the waiter brought his teapot and one cup on a saucer. “Excuse me,” he said before the waiter could leave. “Another cup, if you please. I’m waiting for somebody very special.”

“ _The tea arrived?_ ”

“Something you have yet to do,” Garak replied, with teasing lament. “Oh, I could just reach out and pour my tea... Oh...” He turned the padd around so Julian had a view of him taking the pot handle in his fingers and lifting it.

“ _I saw arches! I saw arches when you moved your padd! I’m coming, don’t you dare!_ ”

Garak laughed, putting the teapot back down and watching the view on his padd devolve into shaky, incomprehensible blurs as Julian sprinted across the courtyard. Garak set down his own padd and looked out through the open archway, watching Julian’s lanky figure rocket closer, wearing no protection from the rain at all. His linen shirt was soaked through and his trousers were muddy, and he looked spectacular.

Julian hurried to the steps of the restaurant and trotted up, then came inside, dripping on the tiles – he glanced around, then flung himself towards Garak’s table.

Garak stood to welcome him, and allowed himself to be embraced in a warm, wet hug, then taken into a sodden and sticky kiss.

“Mmmmmmmmwah!” Julian pulled back, beaming. “Hello.”

Garak kissed him again, chastely, feeling his eyes crinkle as he smiled. “I trust you had a good trip?”

Julian laughed, rolling his eyes, then he lowered himself into the chair opposite Garak’s. Garak sat again, just as the waiter put down a second cup and saucer.

“Two ikri buns, please,” Garak told the waiter. “The biggest, fruitiest, and most highly decorated that you have. We’re celebrating our reunion.”

The waiter seemed pleased, and glanced towards Julian.

And Julian gushed, “I haven’t seen Mr. Garak since _breakfast_.”

Garak chuckled, as Julian grinned, reaching across the table to hold Garak’s hand.

“I suggest we see about this tea, now,” Garak said. “Allow me.”

He let go of Julian to pour the tea, and it swirled into the first of two white teacups, pale red and only just steaming. The steam joined the thickness of the air around them, and Garak was warmed straight through as he took his cup into his hands. Julian sipped first, and slumped half a foot lower in relief.

“Ohhh, now _that’s_ – _tea_ ,” he murmured, going in for more. “Hmmm, wonderful.”

Garak shut his eyes and savoured his first sip, smiling as he swallowed. “Not half as wonderful as setting eyes on you again, my dear. But perhaps comparable.”

Julian chuckled. “We really ought to stop playing this game,” he chided. “The children’s health clinic is barely an hour’s commute from your office. Just because we can’t eat _lunch_ together anymore doesn’t mean breakfast and tea and dinner and midnight snacks aren’t worth enjoying.”

“My _dear_ Doctor! I’m horrified you’d even _begin_ to quibble with the fact we can spend so much time together. I, for one, value every moment. There’s no game being played whatsoever; I truly _am_ this delighted to see you. Why? Aren’t you?”

“Oh, no-no-no, I don’t mean I’m not excited to see you, because I am.” Julian put down his cup, grinning a little. “But isn’t it a bit overly dramatic to run into each other’s arms every evening?”

Garak raised his eyeridges.

Julian burst out laughing, and nodded agreeably. “Alright, fine, the theatrics are—”

“Rather to our liking.”

“ _Completely_ to our liking,” Julian agreed. “It’s all a bit storybook, isn’t it? The war-veteran doctor in the recovering trenches, tending to wounded and sick children, practising _real_ frontier medicine. And you, the spy turned tailor turned politician, stitching a planet back together with the needle of careful lies and the thread of unwavering support from your lover.

“Oh, thank you,” he added to the waiter, who’d put down two plates, each bearing a large pink-iced bun. Julian huffed at Garak. “Gosh, you really weren’t exaggerating when you said they served the big ones.”

“Not only do they boast size, Doctor, but flavour, in addition,” Garak said with one finger up. He took his bun and, after a moment to inhale, appreciating and anticipating, he sank his teeth into it, humming in delight as the icing cracked and the dough gave way to a succulent, bitter-berry goo that slid smoothly and cooly across his tongue. “Mmmm.”

Julian chuckled. “You know what I’m glad about? That you don’t shy away from eating these things anymore.”

“And why would I? They make me perfectly happy,” Garak said, patting his soft middle. “Almost as happy as—”

“As _I_ make you?” Julian grinned.

“As tending my garden makes me,” Garak said, smiling. “Or tailoring the little suits and dresses and uniforms for your patients’ toys. Or, say, all the refurbished books we’re slowly amassing in our home library. Or perhaps, yes... our meals together.”

“And me.”

Garak sipped his tea slowly, pondering. Then he set the cup in its saucer and said, resignedly, “And you.”

Julian grinned hugely. Then he settled back, enjoying his tea, enjoying the rain, and enjoying the company he kept. Garak watched him, enjoying the company more than all the rest put together.

“The lemons on the tree in the sunroom are ripe to pick,” Julian mentioned, after a second round of tea had been sloshed into his cup. “I noticed this morning. Plump yellow fruit where those green blobs used to be.”

“Ah, so we can look forward to your delightful _lemon slices_ ,” Garak grumbled. He didn’t like Julian’s baking one bit. Especially not the lemon slices. There was a reason he prefered to dine out and Julian was it.

Julian grinned. “I was thinking... katterpod pollen tea.”

Now _that_ was a thought. A time-consuming endeavour, perhaps... For the sake of sanity, Garak had already delegated and set aside the remainder of the day’s endless work tasks in order to devote more hours to Julian; surely he could spare the rest of the evening too.

Still, Garak pried, “So, you’d like to ruin the tea’s delicately _honeyed_ flavour with too much lemon, would you?”

“Yes, I would. And don’t you dare tell me you don’t love the lemon, Elim. You’ll _adore_ the lemon when it’s not replicated, I promise. Home-grown, it’s sweet. That’s why Miles and Keiko sent us the tree from Earth in the first place.”

Garak sighed into his red leaf – then he smirked, thinking of how acutely the pollen always affected himself and Julian. Stabilise hormones it did, when taken on a regular basis. But taken sparingly, it tended to bring up urges... desires... things buried.

Hot summer nights could be spent engaged in ways unknown. Windows open, curtains blown in. Rain pouring, bodies undressed and souls untethered.

Julian plucked Garak’s hand off his ikri bun, lifting it to his lips to kiss, holding on across the table. They gazed at each other, loving. “So is that a yes?” Julian asked.

“Oh, you know me too well, my dear,” Garak said, gently. “I can never turn down a decent cup of tea.”

He gazed at Julian with half-hooded eyes, a great fondness rising inside him as Julian offered one of his gorgeously silly smiles, lip bitten.

Garak pulled Julian’s hand closer, and kissed it too. “And,” he whispered to Julian’s skin, “if it’s you I’ll share it with, my dear, even the bitterest tea would be a delight.”

**{ the end }**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♡ **[Art reblog!](https://almaasi.tumblr.com/post/624564149744238592/may-i-present-a-very-tender-post-canon-garashir)**
> 
> Thank you for reading, dear space friends!
> 
> If you’d like more ways to while away your time in a pleasant fashion, may I present: **[all my other Garashir fics!](https://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&include_work_search%5Bfandom_ids%5D%5B%5D=8474&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&user_id=almaasi)** A collection that keeps growing! (And **[subscribe here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaasi/pseuds/almaasi)** if you want notifications when I post new ones!!)
> 
> Always wishing safe days and nights for you and your loved ones ♥
> 
> Elmie x


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